What if I was to say the whole soul mate thing could actually make you LESS HAPPY and your relationship LESS CONNECTED. Would you pay attention?
I really hope so, because it is a message and perspective that I want to share with you, as a result of it popping up time and time again with my clients. Regardless of whether they are in a relationship, working on a new one or on your way out of a current one. This will definitely benefit you to know.
Actually I strongly recommend you listen to the Audio Recording I recently recorded on this topic, but in a lot more detail and with a lot of other awesome relationship advice in 18 minutes of goodness!!
Click here to listen to this VERY VALUABLE advice and perspective.
First the Facts
- It requires effort to maintain a great relationship.
- There are plenty of external and internal pressures on relationships.
- The idea that we have a ‘soul mate’ is just that – an idea. It is not something that can be irrefutably proven.
- The more calm and mindful we are in a relationship; the more likely that we will make decisions and act in a way that serves the relationship.
- Anxiety or stress reduces our decision-making & thinking faculties and ability to see a broader or higher perspective (it physically narrows our vision).
Do you think the following BELIEFS would increase or reduce stress (anxiety) in a relationship or when looking to create a high quality relationship?
- There is only one person on the entire planet that is a perfect match for me.
- I can have a deep connection with lots of different people.
- If I lose my soul-mate I am doomed to wander the earth single for the next 50 years.
- Relationships last as long as they do.
- The depth and quality of the relationship is highly dependent on myself.
Obviously, you identified Option 1 and 3 as beliefs that may put a little or a LOT of pressure on finding or maintaining a relationship. If you are so scared of losing your soul-mate you may also be less inclined to ask the deeper, but extremely important, questions of them. Like do they want to have children? At what age? How many? Where do you they want to live? What are their long-term goals? What is their number 1 value? What is the vision for their life? What sort of lifestyle would they be happy with? What are their career aspirations? What relationship do they expect to maintain with their family? Etc. Etc. Etc. Not asking the deeper questions is a sure-fire way to have future ‘issues’.
From my perspective of the things that do and don’t make you happy, I am here to suggest that we throw the whole soul-mate thing out the rear window.
Now don’t stop reading (yet) if you are a romantic or ‘spiritual’ person
Keep reading, because I am not slandering love, happily ever after, or spiritual connections.
I suggest a more reasonable Solution like this:
SWAP the idea of a soul-mate for the reality a SOUL-CONNECTION (or heart connection).
The soul-connection requires you to show up as your best self. To be the best person you can be in that relationship and also to come into the relationship as authentically as you can. To be vulnerable. To admit and be open with your weaknesses. To be ok with being wrong. To learn and then move on. To work each day on expressing your heart-felt love for your partner. That is the stuff that really makes a relationship shine. So concentrate on developing a soul-connection rather than wandering in search of the elusive soul-mate.
Now I go into more detail and share more relationship strategies in the Strategic Happiness Podcast that I recorded this morning. So I strongly encourage you to check that out.
Click here to listen to more great perspectives and my number 1 belief about relationships.
Let me know your thoughts by commenting below. Please share this with others as well as I think it is a valuable lesson for us all. One less pressure in the relationship game is a BIG DEAL!
Have an awesome day too!!