The 3 Biggest Keys to Success & Happiness (The Things I Wished I Knew When I was 17)

graduationI was recently asked to do a ‘Commencement Speech’ for an international school in Bali. I thought, that sounds great. Now what the heck is a commencement speech?

It turns out I will have a chance to impart some advice to a number of school leavers and add to their wisdom for the path ahead. Cool stuff! Maybe if I had been all ears when I was 17 I may have passed first year University; not ended up paying that $40 bail after getting selected by a police officer as too drunk to safely walk the streets at midnight; and not ended up in a wheelchair for a few days after doing a back somersault off the bar. Who knows? So what do I wish I had paid more attention to when I was 17? You are about to find out some of the biggies that I will be sharing tomorrow with a younger version of myself.

There is a caveat before I get started: “It is never too late!” Quite often the best time to have done something was a long time ago (maybe decades) and the next best time is now. So if you think there is room for improvement or you are a human being, please read on. 😉 Continue reading

I just needed to share this need-to-know relationship advice about ‘soul-mates’

soulmateWhat if I was to say the whole soul mate thing could actually make you LESS HAPPY and your relationship LESS CONNECTED. Would you pay attention?

I really hope so, because it is a message and perspective that I want to share with you, as a result of it popping up time and time again with my clients. Regardless of whether they are in a relationship, working on a new one or on your way out of a current one. This will definitely benefit you to know.

Actually I strongly recommend you listen to the Audio Recording I recently recorded on this topic, but in a lot more detail and with a lot of other awesome relationship advice in 18 minutes of goodness!!

Click here to listen to this VERY VALUABLE advice and perspective.

First the Facts

  • It requires effort to maintain a great relationship.
  • There are plenty of external and internal pressures on relationships.
  • The idea that we have a ‘soul mate’ is just that – an idea. It is not something that can be irrefutably proven.
  • The more calm and mindful we are in a relationship; the more likely that we will make decisions and act in a way that serves the relationship.
  • Anxiety or stress reduces our decision-making & thinking faculties and ability to see a broader or higher perspective (it physically narrows our vision).

Pressure Cooking

Do you think the following BELIEFS would increase or reduce stress (anxiety) in a relationship or when looking to create a high quality relationship?

  1. There is only one person on the entire planet that is a perfect match for me.
  2. I can have a deep connection with lots of different people.
  3. If I lose my soul-mate I am doomed to wander the earth single for the next 50 years.
  4. Relationships last as long as they do.
  5. The depth and quality of the relationship is highly dependent on myself.

Obviously, you identified Option 1 and 3 as beliefs that may put a little or a LOT of pressure on finding or maintaining a relationship. If you are so scared of losing your soul-mate you may also be less inclined to ask the deeper, but extremely important, questions of them. Like do they want to have children? At what age? How many? Where do you they want to live? What are their long-term goals? What is their number 1 value? What is the vision for their life? What sort of lifestyle would they be happy with? What are their career aspirations? What relationship do they expect to maintain with their family? Etc. Etc. Etc. Not asking the deeper questions is a sure-fire way to have future ‘issues’.

From my perspective of the things that do and don’t make you happy, I am here to suggest that we throw the whole soul-mate thing out the rear window.

Now don’t stop reading (yet) if you are a romantic or ‘spiritual’ person

Keep reading, because I am not slandering love, happily ever after, or spiritual connections.

I suggest a more reasonable Solution like this:

SWAP the idea of a soul-mate for the reality a SOUL-CONNECTION (or heart connection).

The soul-connection requires you to show up as your best self. To be the best person you can be in that relationship and also to come into the relationship as authentically as you can. To be vulnerable. To admit and be open with your weaknesses. To be ok with being wrong. To learn and then move on. To work each day on expressing your heart-felt love for your partner. That is the stuff that really makes a relationship shine. So concentrate on developing a soul-connection rather than wandering in search of the elusive soul-mate.

Now I go into more detail and share more relationship strategies in the Strategic Happiness Podcast that I recorded this morning. So I strongly encourage you to check that out.

Click here to listen to more great perspectives and my number 1 belief about relationships.

Let me know your thoughts by commenting below. Please share this with others as well as I think it is a valuable lesson for us all. One less pressure in the relationship game is a BIG DEAL!

Have an awesome day too!!

Carl Massy

 

 

 

Having stuff, doing stuff and increasing happiness.

doing I have decided to write this article backwards. What the heck does that mean, you may be asking? It is like this. I want to share a very important piece of information for your future Happiness (so you understand it intellectually). Then I will explain in detail the ‘why’ (so you get it emotionally). So here goes.

Research by social psychologists tells us buying an EXPERIENCE (such as a trip, concert, or great meal) will give us more HAPPINESS than buying a MATERIAL OBJECT (such as clothing, jewellery, or electronics).

Now before you think I am telling you to give everything away and head off to the nearest cave, let me assure you, it is about balance. It is also about return on investment (ROI). It is about spending that $100 on something that has the greatest Happiness ROI. In this case, the research tells us, the picnic with friends ($100 for snacks and drinks) will bring you more happiness than the $100 shiny new bracelet. Plus if you want to take it one notch higher, taking photos of the picnic, with friends, will lead to more feelings of happiness well after the event.

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Increasing the Power of your Mind by Carl Massy

stuffAs soon as I walked in I felt something messing with my Zen. I felt a little bit anxious or uptight or unable to fully relax and it took me a little while to figure it out, but when I did it reminded me how much our external environment can impact on and reflect our internal environment. Both in a positive and negative way. Now I cannot divulge where I was visiting or whose space  I was in (to protect the slightly innocent), but what I will be sharing is totally relevant for us all.

I remember reading a book last year about neuroscience – which for me is more fun than reading the latest gossip magazine – and the author was talking about the amount of brain power that is used up via distraction. Additionally they spoke about the mind’s amazingly sensitive ability to detect danger around us. In fact our brains are so sensitive to danger and threats to our safety that it is constantly monitoring the external environment for potential danger. And when that environment is a house or room or desk of disarray, it is constantly on high alert. Your minds attention is being pulled in numerous different directions – which doesn’t sound very relaxing to me.

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3 Ways to Remove Bad Habits by Carl Massy

goodbadNo surprises about what this article is going to be focusing on.

Here is a rhetorical question for you. ‘Do you have any bad habits?’ The answer is a resounding YES for all of us. But the next question is one you may not have considered an answer to, ‘Do you actually know what your bad habit is costing you – in time, energy, connection, health, money, love, joy, success, growth, etc.?’ Now that is a valuable question to ask and worth you taking the time to consider it right now.

What is a bad habit you have, right now, that is costing you something you would prefer not to lose? Think of one right now that we can work with. It might be uncomfortable, but well worth it. Now imagine if you continued to practice this bad habit for the next 10 years. What would that cost you? Feeling any pain right now? I am sure you are. Sorry about that. I just wanted to give you a wee shove, so you would pay more attention to what I wanted to share. The important stuff: how to get rid of bad habits. Continue reading

How to activate the ON Switch for Increased Energy and Health

on switchWhat we need to do first before the body can get on with the job of making us healthier and more energized

Have you ever stopped to consider what sort of miracle worker it would take to run 1000’s of things each second? Did I say 1000’s? Bugger. I left a couple of zero’s off. Like about 000,000,000!! Since there are about 50 trillion cells in the body, there are billions of things happening in the body each second (cells can only function for about 3 seconds without a replenishment of nutrients and oxygen). Plus or minus a few billion, that is. My leading point is the human mind, is SO astoundingly clever it defies our comprehension or scientific know-how.

So what is the story?

Given that the mind is so smart; do you think it does not know how to get rid of a cold, or improve the functioning of our organs, or repair damaged or mutated cells, remove chronic muscle aches and pain or even much, much worse? It created the whole body, it regenerates all the cells in the body, creates new cells for our bones, replaces the entire stomach lining in a manner of weeks. In essence it is miraculous and designed to maintain and enhance life.

However…and here is the small print…it cannot do it, while we are running around like crazy monkeys bouncing off walls and trying to pack a lifetime of living into a single month. It’s like trying to do first aid on a 4-years old’s bleeding knee while they are still running around the playground and swinging off the monkey bars. It is only when that little energizing bunny stops for a breath of air, can you do the repair work needed to keep clear away the dirt, apply an antiseptic and dress the wound so it can heal more quickly. In effect you have created the ‘environment’ where the mind and body, and its infinite intelligence, can get on and do what it does best (helping us make it to adulthood in one piece). Continue reading