56 years on planet Earth. 18+ years Coaching. 1000’s of conversations. 500+ personal development and growth books. 14 years as an Officer in the army. 5 years as a senior security consultant to mega events. Business co-owner of a successful yoga centre in Bali for 4-years. Published 6 books. Insatiable curiosity and thirst for greater knowledge, truth, wisdom and my own evolution. And a love to share. So, here is what I think are pretty useful and practical insights.
Once a month I will record a short 3-5 min video with a practical Tip, Tool, or Strategy. Today is the first edition, and is one of the most important (and simple) STRATEGIES that I teach all my private Coaching clients. It will improve your decision-making “RESULTS” by about 200%!
Enjoy.
One of the things I talk about when it comes to having a powerful mind is mental flexibility.
Being able to see things differently.
To change your mind.
Even radically.
It might even mean holding two opposing points of view in mind, and seeing partial truths in each of them, and not being overwhelmed; because you are unable to figure out a singular truth.
Take the example of Creation Vs Evolution.
They both have pro’s and con’s to them, but neither (in my mind) is an absolute fact, and by doing so, I open my mind to a 3rd (or 4th) possibility, which is a combination, plus a little bit of something else (yet to be figured out).
I have also never been much of a fan of being given only 2 choices.
Which essentially says if you don’t believe one, then you MUST believe the other.
That is a great recipe for getting hoodwinked, and not seeing the (much) bigger picture.
All that to say, keep an open mind, and feel free to change your mind (even radically), if new, more compelling information becomes available.
Like in the aforementioned case, evolution might apply to a lot of plants and animals, but it does not account or explain the apparent “big leap” in homo sapiens mental capacities about 200,000 years ago.
Apparently, Charles Darwin’s co-author of “On the Origin of Species” (Alfred Wallace), 10-years after its publication, suggested that the theory they had developed could not apply to homo sapiens.
Interesting.
But that is a whole new conversation, for another time.
For now, let’s see what I have flipped the script on.
And right from the get go, let me make it clear what I did not learn.
I did not learn how to cook.
So, sorry, but there will be no kitchen hacks or fab recipes in this article.
You see, I do know my place (it is not in the kitchen).
Ferry is the foodie, who LOVES cooking, and even loves cooking for me.
So, why would I waste time and energy on something, which someone else loves, and also makes them happy?
Instead, I put my energy into trying to understand the psychology and “why” of things.
Why does A + B = G?
In this article, I decided to share my psychoanalyzing of Gordon Ramsay, from his Netflix show “Being Gordon Ramsay“.
It was not only entertaining, but deeply informative for me, as I asked myself the question, “I wonder why he does that?“.
So, let me share with you what I learned.
But, before I go on, I am going to assume that you know who Gordon Ramsay is.
But, just in case you are a hermit, he is one of the most prolific and successful chefs on the planet with multiple restaurants (over 90), a bunch of Michelin Stars along the way, numerous successful television series and documentaries, a prolific impact and following on Social Media platforms, and a worldwide recognizable and impactful brand identity.
I am also VERY clear that Gordon Ramsay is no saint, has had a very colorful and checkered life and career, is obnoxious and abrasive at times, swears like a trooper, and rubs a lot of people up the wrong way.
This is not about promoting him, but trying to understand what drove him, and also what stabilized him, so he did not take a wrecking ball to his whole life (as many others on the pursuit of fame and fortune have).
I have coached lots of different people over the past 18 years.
Plus, I have been “coaching” myself for the last 26 years.
And something that has come up frequently in those conversations, when people reach out to me ready to do the “deeper inner work“, is their thoughts about “Who am I?”
Maybe you can relate to this.
In fact, if you ask yourself that question right now, do you receive a very coherent and clear response?
It’s actually a great question to play with.
But what I have consistently witnessed over time is that the idea of “trying to find yourself” is not the most effective Strategy.
And perhaps causes people to look in all the wrong directions.
Additionally, it doesn’t seem to tap into the most powerful parts of self.
The human being-ness of us.
One of the most powerful things we have access to is an UNIMITED potential to CREATE.
Which is our discussion point today.
I recently got off a Podcast interview (Sandcast), with a client of mine who is transitioning out of a professional Beach Volleyball career.
The conversation was extremely insightful.
(I will share it with you once he posts it)
We talked about him transitioning out of elite sport into “what’s next?“.
However, when it comes to “transitioning” (and doing it well), it applies to us all.
Some transitions are more monumental.
And some transitions are at the very basic daily level.
For instance, I have worked with a lot of clients over the years who have been REALLY BAD at switching off from work when they get home.
Essentially transitioning from “work mode” to “family mode“.
Often it just doesn’t happen at all.
Actually, you need to actively and consciously do something (let’s call it a mindful transition), to adapt most effectively to a new environment.
How are you at “switching off” after work?
The more monumental transitions might be – using a personal example – transitioning from being an Olympic Games bomb management expert and security consultant (working for the man, literally ;-)); to being a Life Coach in Bali, working for myself, and not really having much of an idea how to go about it.
Regardless of the size or complexity of the transition, the way you do it matters.
Even in yoga, there is conscious attention given to how you transition from one pose to another, because the yogis realised its importance.
Which takes me to the key point of this conversation.
As you may, or may not know, I have been Coaching for over 18 years now.
When I have a new client contact me, I ask them to complete a (very) detailed questionnaire.
I question what events have shaped their current reality; what they do or don’t think they have control of; what they really want in life; and what they think may be holding them back.
It’s the last question I am most interested in today.
What people “believe” is holding them back, from greater happiness, joy, health, success, etc..
There is often a common theme.
And many people think if only they just worked harder on this one thing, or had more of this one thing in their bag of tricks, they would be way happier, successful and fulfilled.
In my experience, what people think is the major DIFFERENCE MAKER in success is the wrong thing.
Through no real fault of their own.
It is just what so many people have been led to believe.
Whether through bad advice from “experts” or marketing messages, or pure baloney peddled on their Instagram feed by “Influencers” (spinning worldly advice – with no context – in a about minute).
So, my theory is that many people (maybe most) are taught the wrong thing.
Let me explain.
It’s question time.
Who reading this likes reading “business” books?
There might be a few hands up, but chances are most people would lean towards some good quality fiction before they buried their nose, and used up their precious time, on a business book.
However, recently I read a (business) book, which I even prioritized over the very well-written and suspenseful fantasy fiction book I was reading.
It turns out that the business book was REALLY well written.
Focused on a theme I am infinitely fascinated with.
It also challenged some of my current beliefs and teachings – which is always a great thing.
Learning and growing (evolution) is one of the main games after all.
The thing I also realised with the theme, was it could as equally apply to “PEOPLE”, as it did business.
It caused me to take a good hard look at a few things I had been trifling with of late.
The book in question is called “The Science of Scaling” by Dr Benjamin Hardy and Blake Erikson.
(If you are a business owner or in senior management, I STRONGLY encourage you to read this book before you start the New Year).
These dudes were about scaling businesses.
Where I am about “scaling” people.
Taking them from Version 1.0 to Version 2.0 (which is not a linear transition but an exponential transition).
Do you want to know what my biggest take-aways were?
The one thing we DO NOT want to do, when it comes to getting out of an emotional state of anger (or the likes) is to SUPPRESS our feelings of anger.
We might have been taught this growing up.
We might have even had parents who modelled the “stuff it down and hope it goes away” strategy; but I am here to tell you that is a super crappy strategy, which is sure to bite you on the butt at some point in the future.
And sometimes it bites HARD!!!
So, the first thing, not to do, is suppress your emotions.
Probably in the same sort of vein – though maybe not as harmful – are ignoring the feeling, distracting yourself from the feeling, or numbing it out.
Again, these are all pretty substandard strategies.
It (the icky emotion) might suck, but there is a lot of relevance to the saying “you need to feel to heal“.
Which leads me onto my next big no-no.
Once a month I will record a short 3-5 min video with a practical Tip, Tool, or Strategy. Today is the first edition, and is one of the most important (and simple) STRATEGIES that I teach all my private Coaching clients. It will improve your decision-making “RESULTS” by about 200%!
Enjoy.