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Is Being Certain (all the time) What We REALLY Want?

I was listening to someone complain the other day.

It made me think of another person I had heard complaining recently.

Unfortunately, that some one was ME.


But it generated a great train of thought, as it lead me to this insight.

Something I sort of knew but glossed over in the whole living life thing.

The other person (who kicked off my thinking) was complaining about how something didn’t work out exactly as they planned.

And had the hump on because of that.

Something they ‘expected’ to happen, did not happen.

And their response was to get narky.

Fair enough.

But consider this…

If everything comes to pass that you expect to come to pass, HOW FRIGGIN BORING would your life be?

Knowing what is going to happen, all the time, might be good for a bit of time, but eventually it get a bit tedious.

This is why Tony Robbins (long time success coach and businessman), says that there are 6 Basic Human Needs, with one being CERTAINTY (yep we love a bit of that), but the other, very paradoxical, being – UNCERTAINTY.

Essentially, not knowing what is going to happen.

Also known as VARIETY, or perhaps even ‘the spice of life‘.

Ever been in a relationship where you knew exactly what your partner would do, moment-to-moment and in the vast majority of cases?

I once had a client who I was working with on her relationships over a week-long immersion. We covered all of her previous relationships over the week. Learned all we could from them.

But just as we were about to wrap up on the last day, she remembered a relationship she had completely forgotten!


Because she had ‘absolute certainty’ in that relationship, making it so boring, she could hardly remember its existance.

But here is the kicker.

The thing that prompted her to work with me, was because she was struggling with the ‘uncertainty’ in her current relationship.

Talk about perspective!

She realised that a healthy dose of uncertainty in her life was just what the doctor ordered.

Too much certainty is actually BORING.

And takes the ‘spiciness’ out of a relationship.

Hence the point of this article.

Be very conscious of not forming a FALSE BELIEF that a life without uncertainty, and everything working out exactly as you imagined, would be your ideal life experience.

We need uncertainty.

We need for things to go off the rails a bit, every now and again.

And of course the caveat is, there is a healthy amount of uncertainty (we need some), but then when there is too much uncertainty, things start to deteriorate.

That is why I write books like my latest book – 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be – so you can ensure that the level of certainty versus uncertainty is within the sweet zone.

My other realisation, when I exposed myself for complaining about things not working out exactly how I want them to (like the sale of our current house), was that I actually love to FIGURE SHIT OUT (FSO).

I get great joy from firing up all parts, and all sides of my brain, to try and figure stuff out.

It also keeps my mind active, engaged, and healthy.

If my life worked out, always, every time, in the way I imagined, my FSO muscles would atrophy.

And my brain would shrink.

Then I would get really bored and probably take up some really unhealthy habits like eating loads of sugar, or eating ultra-processed foods loaded with toxic vegetable oils, or wearing ear pods as if they were completely inert like a pair of gold earrings.

Yep, off track, but I am here to serve you, and not always make you happy.

In Summary

Don’t dish on UNCERTAINTY, or things not working out exactly as you expected them to.

Too much certainty can lead to a life of boredom (and bad habit building).

Be cool with stuff going a bit off the rails.

Challenge yourself to figure it out (FSO).

Fire up that magnificent mind of yours, and use it for its intended purpose.

I am convinced it is more powerful in figuring stuff out, and giving you a burst of genuine ‘Damn I am good‘, than you have given it credit for.

Power up, and power on.

Last point…

Resistance causes things to grow and (human) growth is essential for FULFILMENT.

Last, last point…

I also think “LIFE” pulls us into a bit of chaos (the unknown), to challenge us, because it KNOWS we are capable of so much more.

My Parting word

Uncertainty, is a singular word for ‘The Spice of Life’.

Don’t imagine that would would only be good if everything always worked out all the time.

Chances are that sometimes it is a great thing (in hindsight) that things did not ‘work out exactly as planned’.

Like that toxic relationship or business partnership you dodge.

We rarely see the whole picture.

So another name for uncertainty might be ‘life giving us a nudge in the RIGHT direction’ (for our evolution).

Next time you start getting yourself worked up, because things are not turning out ‘your’ way, realise a couple of things:

  1. It might be for the best.
  2. Knowing everything is probably pretty boring.
  3. Figuring stuff out can be fun, and is what our brains are primed and designed for.


Thinking this way, definitely makes life a little less ‘uptight’ and a little more playful.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

On that note, embrace uncertainty today, and enjoy a spicy (who knows what the bleep is going to happen) kinda week.

Take care,


PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be

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