This is a need to know. It is what I mostly work on with clients. It is what shapes the results we get in life. It determines where we are, and where we are going. Whether we are winning or whether we are losing. Whether we are in pain or full of energy. Whether we uncover the best of us or whether we take it to the grave.
I am talking about our ‘stories’.
Also known as: beliefs, statements of ‘fact’, the ‘reality’, home truths, sayings, etc.
What they all have in common is this: they are not 100% true, 100% of the time (or anywhere near it). They are ‘true’ because we make them ‘true’. But they are not universal laws like gravity for instance. Which works in 100% of cases, 100% of the time, if you are heavier than air.
Our stories become our self-fulfilling prophecies.
Who wants to talk about pain? Not really a subject we gravitate towards.
But what if it could be our health and happiness golden ticket?
What if it could be converted into the rocket fuel that leads to your evolution and a fuller expression of your potentiality? I know it is possible. I have experienced it time and again.
But here is the problem…
As I already said. The first thing to realise is we all have doubts. We are not broken, or a loser, or a failure, or damaged goods because we have doubts. We are human. We all have doubts sometimes. It is when we have too much doubt, for too long, which paralyses or stresses us, that it is time to do something about it.
My recent experience with doubt was before I delivered the presentation the other day. It is normal to feel some nerves before a talk. I always do. But those I can breathe through. This was doubt with a capital D. I started second guessing my ability to make an impact, to connect with the audience, to keep the energy going in the room, to teach and to entertain. And this doubt followed me for 30 mins into the presentation. The doubt I experienced left me when I did some of the following:
I was doing a session this week with a client on the MindBody retreat and as we were spending time delving into attachment, vulnerability, basic human needs, and a bunch of other topics; it became very clear to me that projecting an image of what you want others to think of you is not only energy consuming, but it erodes your authenticity and therefore LIKEABILITY. Not so cool…
Have you ever had (or still have) a Facebook ‘friend’ who always posts about how fabulous their life is? How fabulous their relationship is. How fabulous their holidays are. How happy they are (all the time). And even how great their pets, children, job, etc., etc., etc. are.
What are your real thoughts when you read their stuff? Not the stuff you ‘like’ or the comments you post on Facebook; but what you really think.
Were you ever told as a child to ‘stop telling stories’? Well today’s tip is all about stories and what impact that have on your life and your results in life.
So I was doing a coaching session with a client in Copenhagen last night (unfortunately it was via Skype and not in person; because Copenhagen is such a gorgeous city). And as with most clients, my job is not only to help them identify what they want (and how to get there); a big part of my job is to say to them “that’s total crap” or “that’s absolute rubbish” (if they are more prim and proper). My job is to challenge their ‘stories’.
Because here are a couple of secrets:
If you ever get to the end of the day and feel like you have not made any forward progress, or that your day was not successful, or you feel like you were pretty unproductive, I might have just the strategy for you.
That feeling thing
I am going to repeat myself, because apparently ‘repetition is the mother of learning’. The way we FEEL has more impact on our life than what we have (or don’t have). In fact we can actually feel a certain way, by thought alone.
So success isn’t just about achieving things, it is about feeling a particular way. So rather than fixating on what we need to have or do or get to feel successful, we would be better off asking, “how can we generate more FEELINGS of success?” Continue reading
Hands up who would like to be more successful? Keep your hands up if you also have a very clear idea of what ‘being successful’ looks like?
Tip 1: Get clear about this…
The biggest thing holding most people back from experiencing success is…drum roll please….not knowing the following…
First let’s have a closer look at this concept of ‘experiencing success’. This sort of implies that success is something we ‘FEEL’ as opposed to something we get. So experiencing success is more about ‘FEELING’ successful as opposed to having X, Y, or Z thing show up in your life.
And if you have been working with me (or following me) over the years, you know that the feelings we have are very much linked to what MEANING we give to the things in our life’s experience. So the meaning we give something actually has more impact on our feelings, than the physical thing itself. Continue reading
I was recently asked to do a ‘Commencement Speech’ for an international school in Bali. I thought, that sounds great. Now what the heck is a commencement speech?
It turns out I will have a chance to impart some advice to a number of school leavers and add to their wisdom for the path ahead. Cool stuff! Maybe if I had been all ears when I was 17 I may have passed first year University; not ended up paying that $40 bail after getting selected by a police officer as too drunk to safely walk the streets at midnight; and not ended up in a wheelchair for a few days after doing a back somersault off the bar. Who knows? So what do I wish I had paid more attention to when I was 17? You are about to find out some of the biggies that I will be sharing tomorrow with a younger version of myself.
There is a caveat before I get started: “It is never too late!” Quite often the best time to have done something was a long time ago (maybe decades) and the next best time is now. So if you think there is room for improvement or you are a human being, please read on. 😉 Continue reading