Do you agree with the statement I made in the title? That there is never a time where you have no choice.
Viktor Frankl believed that. He wrote Man’s Search For Meaning and talked about how in Nazi concentration camps in WWII, regardless of what was done to them, they always had a choice as to what meaning they gave an experience. And it was the meaning people attributed to the situation which had a bigger impact on their survival than any physical attribute.
Now let’s lighten things up before I go any further, as most of us are not in, nor are likely to be in that kind of situation. But it is a great reminder that we always have some choice. It gives us some perspective. Continue reading
Can I tell you a secret? This last week on my Coach Training Course was a tough one. Really tough. But also REALLY rewarding. I learned SO much. And I know I also grew a lot (though not in height unfortunately, as I am still a short, dark, handsome 165cm). Just joking! And being the cheeky so-and-so that I am.
For the last 3 years, I have had this condition where before a major presentation, or course, or retreat that I am running, I would have this bizarre skin reaction on my left hand pointing finger. It would be primarily be in the front middle of the finger between the joints and look like I had leprosy (not a good look). I imagine it was some sort of stress eczema. I tried so many different techniques, strategies, tools, and therapies on it over the last 2 years to no avail. However, after and during a really challenging week last week, although I got a faint itch on the finger it did not break out in a freak show. I AM CURED!!!!
Want to know what I did differently?
Time is limited, so let’s get straight to it! This is the Challenge: I want you to become
THE MOST HONEST PERSON YOU KNOW.
WHY Number 1
Most of my clients come to me thinking they have a high level of integrity and honesty and tell me so. But then when I start asking them some tricky questions (which usually has them doing a bit of squiring) it becomes apparent that their 8/10 honesty might be closer to a 4 or 5 (or worse! ;-)).
The reason why is because very few people have the courage to say what they truly think and feel for fear of upsetting other people. Or worse, they know what they feel but they tell themselves that is not what the person in front of them needs to hear, so they choke it down. And in my experience, in 99% of cases, what needs to be said is the truth – what you are honesty feeling and thinking. Continue reading
If I am a person that has done very little exercise lifting a heavy weight with my left arm, how strong do you think my left arm will be? It is likely to be weak, as you can imagine.
The same applies with the ‘no’ muscles. If you have used them very little, they will be weak. They will be awkward. They feel feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So know from the get-go that you get better at saying ‘no’ the more you practice it.
So start small (with the less important ones) and build up to the big ones. Every repetition counts. Practice saying ‘no’ in front of the mirror. Remember a time when you said a very firm ‘No’, and how your body language and tone were. Then replicate that. Or better yet, watch a session of Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer as he shows people how to be more ‘assertive’. It is all about body language and energy. Say ‘no’ from there.
As always, I am writing this as much for me as I am writing it for you, since I know how important this is if we want to get ahead in life (or to our next level).
I study success and successful people a lot and there are certain things the successful do or don’t do that allows them to perform at the level they do, and have the impact they do. As you know, it isn’t by chance.
I also look in the mirror a bunch…not to check myself out! I was being metaphoric (of course). Part of the self-awareness thing. So this is what I also know to be true through experience.
Getting warmed up
When you say ‘yes’ and when you say ‘no’ has an ENORMOUS impact on where you are and where you get to in life. Continue reading
Based on the 2-day event (Total Success) with Tony Robbins in Singapore in May 2015. A lot of reminders for me, and hopefully they will be for you too.
Tip 1: Motion creates emotion
This is a bit of a signature saying of his.
And it makes a LOT of sense. When we move our bodies, we change our emotional state. If you are feeling a bit jaded, or out of it, or sad, try jumping up and down 5 times, shaking your body out for 10 seconds, shake your butt for 10 seconds, and then do the victory move with your arms up in the air as if you have just won the race of your life; and you WILL be in a different state.
No movement is a sign of death (one end of the spectrum). Therefore movement is a sign of life and life is drawn to life. Life responds to life. So move your body if you want to change your state.
Let’s just dive straight in!!
Tip 1: Something about trees and forests
See the bigger picture.
Get in the habit of catching yourself out if you focus and ruminate on what is going wrong in one moment or short space of time. Don’t get fixated on the tress and miss the beauty and richness of the forest.
If something is not working, step back, breathe, look around and connect to something that is working. And the more we condition ourselves to look for what ‘IS WORKING’ the more we will find it. Continue reading
Get ready for a wee lesson in how your brain works and how to not have the mental problem solving faculties of a dog (no disrespect intended at dogs for us dog lovers ;-)).
The Brain 101
I am going to be over simplistic here. For those that want a deeper dive on how best to use their brains check out The Guidebook to Optimum Health.
The three basic parts of the brain and their functions are:
- Reptilian (lower) brain. Oldest party of the brain. Controls body movement, and autonomic functions in the body – digestion, breathing, etc.
Now did you notice I used the word ‘processing’? Not fighting. Not suppressing. Not avoiding. Not ignoring. But processing.
It is ok to have so-called ‘negative’ emotions. They are a sign to us that something needs to be done. The aim is to get the message and then have the nervous energy of emotions (with their cortisol and adrenaline) dissipate or be processed as I am suggesting here.
All of the techniques to follow are essentially turning off the stress response, and activating the relaxation response. In that state you are more aware, creative, powerful, resilient and less reactive. So that is always what we are aiming for.
The Tips are sort of listed from the most basic (for the small stuff) to the techniques for the bigger stuff. Choose one, if it is not potent enough then work your way down the list. Enjoy!