Who is already uncomfortable? Or thinking where the heck am I going with this?
Are you comfortable enough to say ‘I am selfish’? Or ‘I need to be more selfish in my life’?
As a result of writing The Guidebook to Authentic Success, and a couple of pretty painful life experiences over the last few weeks, I needed to revisit my relationship with the ‘selfish’ word and I thought I would share with you what came up.
So let’s get this selfish party started.
I follow a fantastic Coach by the name of Rich Litvin (the author of The Prosperous Coach) and a highly successful transformational Coach (I am actually attending his workshop in LA in the middle of September. Yippee!).I was listening to an interview by Rich the other day with one of his apprentices, and he wanted to uncover exactly what she did to become so powerful at manifesting what she wants in life. He asked some great questions, and as a result got some great answers, which I want to share with you now.
They are less steps that you have to follow one after the other and more like principles. The more of these principles you actively apply, the better you are likely to become at manifesting what you want in your own life.
So let’s get started.
When I first heard this ‘theory’ I was a little blown away.
The ramifications of this insight were profound for me and my clients. What I am going to do is to share this insight with you, which each of you will ‘get’ to varying degrees, and then I will share some scenario’s so you can see how it plays out in real life, in real time.
Now you will note in the title that I did not write 3 hard experiences that left me feeling a little bit crappy and deflated and somewhat out of sorts.Not just because that title would be too long, but because I have a strong belief – which is lesson 1 – that EVERYTHING that happens to us (or that we make happen) in life, is a LESSON and an opportunity for GROWTH and WISDOM.
Ok. Another lesson I have learned is we are all (often) a little short of time, so I will get straight into the lessons, which are less often about rocket science and more often just great reminders.
Do you agree with the statement I made in the title? That there is never a time where you have no choice.
Viktor Frankl believed that. He wrote Man’s Search For Meaning and talked about how in Nazi concentration camps in WWII, regardless of what was done to them, they always had a choice as to what meaning they gave an experience. And it was the meaning people attributed to the situation which had a bigger impact on their survival than any physical attribute.
Now let’s lighten things up before I go any further, as most of us are not in, nor are likely to be in that kind of situation. But it is a great reminder that we always have some choice. It gives us some perspective.
Can I tell you a secret? This last week on my Coach Training Course was a tough one. Really tough. But also REALLY rewarding. I learned SO much. And I know I also grew a lot (though not in height unfortunately, as I am still a short, dark, handsome 165cm). Just joking! And being the cheeky so-and-so that I am. 😉
For the last 3 years, I have had this condition where before a major presentation, or course, or retreat that I am running, I would have this bizarre skin reaction on my left hand pointing finger. It would be primarily be in the front middle of the finger between the joints and look like I had leprosy (not a good look). I imagine it was some sort of stress eczema. I tried so many different techniques, strategies, tools, and therapies on it over the last 2 years to no avail. However, after and during a really challenging week last week, although I got a faint itch on the finger it did not break out in a freak show. I AM CURED!!!!
Want to know what I did differently?
If one of these resonates with you, please make sure you APPLY it in your own life. And feel free to modify it to suit you and your specific needs.
Practice Number 1
ACTIVELY practice GRATITUDE
Before I started writing these Tips, I meditated and then I focused on 5-10 things that I was grateful for. This is an active practice. Something I choose to do.
The reasons I choose to do it are three-fold: 1) I feel great doing it, 2) I feel great after I do it, 3) there is a healthy amount of research to suggest that over the long-term it makes a real and measurable difference in your default level of happiness.
Time is limited, so let’s get straight to it! This is the Challenge: I want you to become
THE MOST HONEST PERSON YOU KNOW.
Most of my clients come to me thinking they have a high level of integrity and honesty and tell me so. But then when I start asking them some tricky questions (which usually has them doing a bit of squiring) it becomes apparent that their 8/10 honesty might be closer to a 4 or 5 (or worse! ;-)).
The reason why is because very few people have the courage to say what they truly think and feel for fear of upsetting other people. Or worse, they know what they feel but they tell themselves that is not what the person in front of them needs to hear, so they choke it down. And in my experience, in 99% of cases, what needs to be said is the truth – what you are honesty feeling and thinking.
If I am a person that has done very little exercise lifting a heavy weight with my left arm, how strong do you think my left arm will be? It is likely to be weak, as you can imagine.
The same applies with the ‘no’ muscles. If you have used them very little, they will be weak. They will be awkward. They feel feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So know from the get-go that you get better at saying ‘no’ the more you practice it.
So start small (with the less important ones) and build up to the big ones. Every repetition counts. Practice saying ‘no’ in front of the mirror. Remember a time when you said a very firm ‘No’, and how your body language and tone were. Then replicate that. Or better yet, watch a session of Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer as he shows people how to be more ‘assertive’. It is all about body language and energy. Say ‘no’ from there.
As always, I am writing this as much for me as I am writing it for you, since I know how important this is if we want to get ahead in life (or to our next level).
I study success and successful people a lot and there are certain things the successful do or don’t do that allows them to perform at the level they do, and have the impact they do. As you know, it isn’t by chance.
I also look in the mirror a bunch…not to check myself out! I was being metaphoric (of course). Part of the self-awareness thing. So this is what I also know to be true through experience.
Getting warmed up
When you say ‘yes’ and when you say ‘no’ has an ENORMOUS impact on where you are and where you get to in life.