If I am a person that has done very little exercise lifting a heavy weight with my left arm, how strong do you think my left arm will be? It is likely to be weak, as you can imagine.
The same applies with the ‘no’ muscles. If you have used them very little, they will be weak. They will be awkward. They feel feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So know from the get-go that you get better at saying ‘no’ the more you practice it.
So start small (with the less important ones) and build up to the big ones. Every repetition counts. Practice saying ‘no’ in front of the mirror. Remember a time when you said a very firm ‘No’, and how your body language and tone were. Then replicate that. Or better yet, watch a session of Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer as he shows people how to be more ‘assertive’. It is all about body language and energy. Say ‘no’ from there.
As always, I am writing this as much for me as I am writing it for you, since I know how important this is if we want to get ahead in life (or to our next level).
I study success and successful people a lot and there are certain things the successful do or don’t do that allows them to perform at the level they do, and have the impact they do. As you know, it isn’t by chance.
I also look in the mirror a bunch…not to check myself out! I was being metaphoric (of course). Part of the self-awareness thing. So this is what I also know to be true through experience.
Getting warmed up
When you say ‘yes’ and when you say ‘no’ has an ENORMOUS impact on where you are and where you get to in life. Continue reading
Based on the 2-day event (Total Success) with Tony Robbins in Singapore in May 2015. A lot of reminders for me, and hopefully they will be for you too.
Tip 1: Motion creates emotion
This is a bit of a signature saying of his.
And it makes a LOT of sense. When we move our bodies, we change our emotional state. If you are feeling a bit jaded, or out of it, or sad, try jumping up and down 5 times, shaking your body out for 10 seconds, shake your butt for 10 seconds, and then do the victory move with your arms up in the air as if you have just won the race of your life; and you WILL be in a different state.
No movement is a sign of death (one end of the spectrum). Therefore movement is a sign of life and life is drawn to life. Life responds to life. So move your body if you want to change your state.
Let’s just dive straight in!!
Tip 1: Something about trees and forests
See the bigger picture.
Get in the habit of catching yourself out if you focus and ruminate on what is going wrong in one moment or short space of time. Don’t get fixated on the tress and miss the beauty and richness of the forest.
If something is not working, step back, breathe, look around and connect to something that is working. And the more we condition ourselves to look for what ‘IS WORKING’ the more we will find it. Continue reading
Get ready for a wee lesson in how your brain works and how to not have the mental problem solving faculties of a dog (no disrespect intended at dogs for us dog lovers ;-)).
The Brain 101
I am going to be over simplistic here. For those that want a deeper dive on how best to use their brains check out The Guidebook to Optimum Health. 😉
The three basic parts of the brain and their functions are:
- Reptilian (lower) brain. Oldest party of the brain. Controls body movement, and autonomic functions in the body – digestion, breathing, etc.
Now did you notice I used the word ‘processing’? Not fighting. Not suppressing. Not avoiding. Not ignoring. But processing.
It is ok to have so-called ‘negative’ emotions. They are a sign to us that something needs to be done. The aim is to get the message and then have the nervous energy of emotions (with their cortisol and adrenaline) dissipate or be processed as I am suggesting here.
All of the techniques to follow are essentially turning off the stress response, and activating the relaxation response. In that state you are more aware, creative, powerful, resilient and less reactive. So that is always what we are aiming for.
The Tips are sort of listed from the most basic (for the small stuff) to the techniques for the bigger stuff. Choose one, if it is not potent enough then work your way down the list. Enjoy!
At the start of the week I had someone ask me the question about how they can increase their self-esteem. So here are 5 ways that I know for increasing your self-esteem.
Tip 1: 1 Inside = 10 Outsides
You get a huge gold star if you figure out what the heck I am going to say after reading the sub-title.
My point is when it comes to self-esteem there was a mistaken belief, that was perpetuated a couple of decades ago and still holds some sway today, that by telling someone they are great it will increase their self-esteem. Nup – not really. Though too much is likely to increase someones level of narcissism. 😉 Continue reading
So today I just want to throw a small challenge out to you, which is GUARANTEED to make you feel happier.
The why is pretty simple. Life is about feelings. It isn’t about stuff or achievement, it is about how we think that stuff and achievement is actually going to make us feel. So we are after a feeling.
So the feeling I am going to encourage you to create, is this very generic thing called ‘happiness’. It will probably feel a little different for all of us, but regardless of how it shows up, it will feel really good.
Now I don’t like to throw any blame around as a general rule, but it is pretty evident that we are bombarded with ‘messages’ from advertising (LOTS of it!!!), peers, colleagues, Hollywood movies, books, magazines, friends, family, and the little voices in the back of heads that have been building up over decades.
Most of them are telling us that we are not enough. That we are not doing enough, being enough, have enough, achieved enough, etc. etc. etc.
Now I am a big fan of tapping into your full potential, as you know, but…not at the expense of the things that are most important to you.
This is a story about how I carried shame and humiliation with me for 28 years, and how that not only affected me in different situations, but held me back from my potential.
It is also a story about possibility. What is possible when we process limiting beliefs that are related to past trauma. We don’t just feel different, we become different. Different feelings = different results.
Are you ready to know stuff about me that I have barely told a soul? What follows is also a lesson in Vulnerability 101.