Choice Doubt Emotional Feeling Honesty Relationship

On Trying to Decide, Do I Stay or Do I Go?

I know you have been here before.

Trying to decide if you stay put – and ride this thing out – or whether to pack your stuff up and jump on the next plane, train or automobile and high-tail it out of town.

The proverbial, do I stay or do I get the hell out of Dodge?

The choice could be in different aspects of your life.

Do you end this (intimate) relationship or see if you can work things out?

Do you leave your current job, or do you stay?

Do you end a business partnership, or do you see if you can work things out?

Do you stay in this house, or can you find something better (which won’t send you broke)?

So many of these decisions are not black or white.

There is a whole bunch of GREY to deal with.

And reliable crystal balls are hard to come by these days.

So what to do?


Recently I was with a client and we were in this very space. Should he stay in his current relationship, or should he end it. There seemed to be some things missing in the relationship, but could he live with that? There was a lot of great, but…

I am sure – again – this is a place you have potentially been yourself (or are in the middle of).

On the one hand there is (X), but on the other hand there is (Y).

Hence the decision-making confusion.

What to do?

The Ideal: The 100% Zone

Obviously, the ideal is that you just know – whether to stay or go.

It is crystal clear.

You might not be looking forward to what needs to happen to carry out that decision, but you know (exactly) what the decision needs to be.

It is often quite hard to get to this place of ‘knowing’ but I believe it is possible, given the right set-up. That is, creating the environment conducive to downloading the right message.

Creating the set-up includes:

  • Solitude.
  • No distractions.
  • A willingness to sit in the grey zone.
  • Stillness.
  • An acknowledgment that the answer might be beyond your intellect.
  • The (absolute) inner quietness to hear the wisdom of your heart, intuition or inner knowing.

I find my go-to for tapping into this higher level of consciousness, is through deep meditation, while spending time in solitude. The target is to get to a place, where there is sense of inner knowing that has a very harmonious resonance to it. Sort of like the feeling of deep inner peace, as you are made aware of the right course of action.

However, here is the catch.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, we may not be able to truly tap into our inner knowing. The place where you are 100% certain.

This is ‘the ideal’, but sometimes we might not get there.

Which takes us to the other option.

The 90% – 99% Zone

The aim, if we can’t get into the 100% zone, is to get as close as possible to it.

If you can’t get to at least 90% certainty, then it might be time to get some external help.

When you get into the 90% certain zone, and have turned all assumptions into facts, plus have done the maximum amount of due diligence (i.e. doing a non-emotional audit of the pro’s and con’s), and got clear about what you want to ‘END Result’ to look and feel like; there is only one thing left to do.

You need to have the COURAGE to make a decision.

You need to step courageously into the land of uncertainty.

You need to be willing to make a decision, even if it turns out to be wrong.

Living in the grey zone of uncertainty for too long, is not helpful for you (or others) and can cause untold amounts of inner turmoil, leading to stress, stomach issues, anxiety, and even worse.

Sometimes a decision just needs to be made.

And it is COURAGE that is needed to make a decision that could turn out to be wrong.

That is where you Warrior spirit needs to show up.

My favorite definition of a ‘Warrior’ goes something like this:

A warrior is willing to go into the unknown to find the answers to the questions they have always had. And even though they know they may never find the answers to the questions they are looking for, they go into the unknown regardless.

Sometimes we don’t know what the 100% best choice is.

But sitting on the fence of uncertainty might be doing you and others, a greater disservice, than the choice of 100% staying or 100% going.

The benefit of making a choice, and staying conscious and curious, is you get feedback.

Standing still (on that fence) provides no feedback.

Hence the discomfort of it, and stagnation of your spirit.

My main point, and takeaway

The IDEAL is to create a state of being, where you can tap into an inner knowing that provides you with absolute certainty.

I believe there are things you can do to make this a possibility.

If you are in the 90-99% certainty zone, you need to have the COURAGE to make a decision, even if the decision is the wrong one.

It is only when you decide that you get ‘real world’ feedback, and then can act on that.

Sitting on the fence, for an extended period of time, is a very unhealthy place to be.

My Parting words

It IS possible to get to 100% certainty, but it takes a different approach to intellectualizing.

I talked about the ‘set-up’ here; and I also go into more detail in Decision Making Mastery.

Often we can’t get to 100% certainty.

In these cases, it is my belief, that any decision is better than sitting on the fence for an extended period of time.

Extended fence sitting creates energetic stagnation.

Which is the opposite of ‘the flow of life’.

So COURAGE is the fuel needed to move through this Grey Zone.

And I already know there is a Warrior spirit in you; and in all of us.

We were made that way.

It’s part of our birthright.

And I hope this conversation, if you are in the Grey Zone on an issue, helps infuse a bit more energy and insight for you, and reminds you to reach out for help if you are stuck.

Have an energy-infused day and a certainty illuminating kinda week.

See you next week.

Take care,


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