Choice consciousness Fear Feeling Perspective Self Love Success

You Can’t Do This and Expect to be Happy

Do you want to be happy?

Or happier?

I am pretty sure – about 99.999% – that your response to those questions is a resounding “OF COURSE!”.

So today we are going to talk about one thing not to do if you want to have a happy life existence.

It’s a pretty simple concept (like most things I teach), but it has major ramifications.

The image that comes to mind when I think about this topic is a wheelbarrow I was using the other day, while hauling bricks.

The wheel was a little wobbly (out of alignment) and it was WAY HARD to keep things moving in the direction of the drop-off point.

At one point the wheelbarrow veered off to the side and I lost the load (and nearly tore a muscle or three); so I had to start again from scratch.

TOO much effort required.

So what was the solution?


The wheelbarrow needed the nuts on the axle tightened, so the wheel would come back into alignment and perform the role it was designed for.

Moving smoothly, in a straight line.

When things are out of alignment, life gets tougher.

When this is out of alignment happy faces are much harder to make

Let’s jump straight in to my main point, and then I will share an example of two.

It is VERY HARD to be HAPPY, if you are OUT OF ALIGNMENT with your highest VALUES.

I am sure you have heard this before.

But so have most of my clients who mess this alignment thing up, and pay the price.

Here are some examples.


Their core, number 1 most important value is ‘KINDNESS“.

It’s a great value and likely to make the world a better place.


This person is out of alignment with her value, because SHE IS NOT KIND TO HERSELF.

Imagine saying this is the most important thing, but to the most important person in your life (yes that is YOU), you are unkind.

Do you think there is any chance this is going in the HAPPY direction?

This creates a deep inner struggle between what they say they is important, and how they honour that importance.

And often – sadly – this all happens below their conscious level of awareness.


Their core, number 1 most important value is “INTEGRITY“.

Another great value and one that is definitely needed to help the world become a better place.


This person is out of alignment because they are not HONEST to themselves about what they really want to be doing in their life and professionally.

So they ‘say’ that INTEGRITY is extremely important to them, but they LIE to themselves about why they really ought to stay in a job they hate.

They are not honest with themselves.

Maybe if they were honest and said the reason they are in the job is they don’t have the courage to leave it, then their alignment to self might start coming back into balance.

CLIENT 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, …

I could do this all day.

If we are not in alignment with our highest values we will NOT BE HAPPY.

If we are KIND to others, but not kind to ourselves we get a DOUBLE whammy!

We experience the shitty feeling of the unkindness to ourselves, PLUS we feel bad because we are not honoring something we hold to be very important to who we think we are (a person who is kind).

If we are HONEST with other people, but not honest with ourselves, we are likely to feel ‘OFF’ and often not understand why.

The Solution

Do a check-inwards.

Figure out what your highest VALUES are.

Then ask yourself: “Am I applying these values INWARDS?”

If not, you know what you have to do.

Be honest to yourself, or kind to yourself, or loving to yourself, or compassionate to yourself, or whatever your highest values are.

Don’t blow this off.

Get really honest with yourself and see how you are doing on the inwards game.

The downside is not worth it.

The main message

Things work much better when they are in alignment.

And when things are out of alignment, they are much harder, much less fun, much more icky and more likely to take you somewhere you don’t want to go.

My Parting words


They matter.

And their impact if we don’t align with them, and practice them (daily), is not fun.

In my experience, most people are okay at the outward expression of their values, but pretty crappy at the inward alignment with their values.

How are you at this?

Get honest, and then get into action.

Have a lovely day gazing at your belly-button and an inwardly-aligned kinda week. 🙂

See you next week.

Take care,


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