This is a need to know. It is what I mostly work on with clients. It is what shapes the results we get in life. It determines where we are, and where we are going. Whether we are winning or whether we are losing. Whether we are in pain or full of energy. Whether we uncover the best of us or whether we take it to the grave.
I am talking about our ‘stories’.
Also known as: beliefs, statements of ‘fact’, the ‘reality’, home truths, sayings, etc.
What they all have in common is this: they are not 100% true, 100% of the time (or anywhere near it). They are ‘true’ because we make them ‘true’. But they are not universal laws like gravity for instance. Which works in 100% of cases, 100% of the time, if you are heavier than air.
Our stories become our self-fulfilling prophecies.
Who wants to talk about pain? Not really a subject we gravitate towards.
But what if it could be our health and happiness golden ticket?
What if it could be converted into the rocket fuel that leads to your evolution and a fuller expression of your potentiality? I know it is possible. I have experienced it time and again.
But here is the problem…
As I already said. The first thing to realise is we all have doubts. We are not broken, or a loser, or a failure, or damaged goods because we have doubts. We are human. We all have doubts sometimes. It is when we have too much doubt, for too long, which paralyses or stresses us, that it is time to do something about it.
My recent experience with doubt was before I delivered the presentation the other day. It is normal to feel some nerves before a talk. I always do. But those I can breathe through. This was doubt with a capital D. I started second guessing my ability to make an impact, to connect with the audience, to keep the energy going in the room, to teach and to entertain. And this doubt followed me for 30 mins into the presentation. The doubt I experienced left me when I did some of the following:
I was doing a session this week with a client on the MindBody retreat and as we were spending time delving into attachment, vulnerability, basic human needs, and a bunch of other topics; it became very clear to me that projecting an image of what you want others to think of you is not only energy consuming, but it erodes your authenticity and therefore LIKEABILITY. Not so cool…
Have you ever had (or still have) a Facebook ‘friend’ who always posts about how fabulous their life is? How fabulous their relationship is. How fabulous their holidays are. How happy they are (all the time). And even how great their pets, children, job, etc., etc., etc. are.
What are your real thoughts when you read their stuff? Not the stuff you ‘like’ or the comments you post on Facebook; but what you really think.
Were you ever told as a child to ‘stop telling stories’? Well today’s tip is all about stories and what impact that have on your life and your results in life.
So I was doing a coaching session with a client in Copenhagen last night (unfortunately it was via Skype and not in person; because Copenhagen is such a gorgeous city). And as with most clients, my job is not only to help them identify what they want (and how to get there); a big part of my job is to say to them “that’s total crap” or “that’s absolute rubbish” (if they are more prim and proper). My job is to challenge their ‘stories’.
Because here are a couple of secrets:
If you ever get to the end of the day and feel like you have not made any forward progress, or that your day was not successful, or you feel like you were pretty unproductive, I might have just the strategy for you.
That feeling thing
I am going to repeat myself, because apparently ‘repetition is the mother of learning’. The way we FEEL has more impact on our life than what we have (or don’t have). In fact we can actually feel a certain way, by thought alone.
So success isn’t just about achieving things, it is about feeling a particular way. So rather than fixating on what we need to have or do or get to feel successful, we would be better off asking, “how can we generate more FEELINGS of success?” Continue reading