Carl Massy

“Uncomfortable”. 

Why did I decide to choose that particular word, when it comes to this wee exploration today?

I was trying to think of what word would best represent the theme of today’s journey.

It stems from the idea I have shared with you before, that “burying our heads in the sand, and HOPING for the best“, is a terrible Strategy.  

There numerous things I’ve learned over the last 26 years (as I embarked on a very personal inner journey), which was further challenged and refined over the past 5 years, while I did my best to try and figure sh#t out for me, and others. 

So I thought today I would share with you some things I believe – based on my knowledge, experience and perspective – are closer to Truth, with a capital “T”. 

I have personally found that by facing these Truths, and the “reality” they more accurately represent, I can take relevant actions to work with them, and therefore more easefully navigate my way through life. 

Are you ready for Number 1?  

I have written about this important subject before (April 2023), but since it comes up SO often with my clients, I figured it is worth repeating. 

And as you know, “repetition is the mother of learning“.

Now there are 3 ESSENTIAL parts to maintaining great boundaries, and the bad news is that unlike the song from Meatloaf, called “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad“; in this case, 2 out of 3 is still a disaster. 

You cannot have good boundaries if you miss just one of the three components.

So let’s first look at what the three Boundary Essentials are, and then we will look at where a lot of people most often mess up.   

Once a month I will record a short 3-5 min video with a practical Tip, Tool, or Strategy. Today is the first edition, and is one of the most important (and simple) STRATEGIES that I teach all my private Coaching clients. It will improve your decision-making “RESULTS” by about 200%!

Enjoy. 

Today’s article is inspired by a series I was watching with Ferry on YouTube the other night. 

It is called “Starting Up Starting Over” and is hosted by a British chap called Ben Fogle. 

Who is a rather dashing English chap, well-spoken, polite and well-mannered. Just as you would expect.

He is a television personality, who has made a number of documentary series, following the lives of different people as they make significant changes and life decisions. A former series of his was called ‘New Lives in the Wild‘.

Given that I am fascinated by people, and the why they do what they do, and handle doing what they chose to do, along with their evolving psychology as they go through different life experiences, this was time well spent in front of the “screen”.

The show, in particular, we were watching was about an English nanny, in her early 40’s who decided to sell up everything in London, and purchase an animal farm (goats, pigs, geese, donkeys, sheep, rabbits, Shetland ponies, and chickens), in the very northern reaches of Scotland, near a village of about 300 people. 

She had no farming experience. 

No business experience. 

And no savings to draw on. 

At the start of the program you are left wondering how the f#ck is this person going to see this out, and actually survive, not only financially, but physically in a very cold and tough environment.

Impressive. 

Over the course of the show, Ben Fogle drops in and out, to see how she is faring, and the final part of the show is him coming back to see how she is doing, 3 years after she started the project. 

So today I wanted to share a few keys things I took away from it, which I think might be pertinent for us all. 

This is a topic I have been pondering of late, so I thought for this week’s interaction, I would invite you into my inner world, as I contemplate this thing called ‘ENOUGH‘.

And just for the record, I have a limited idea – at this stage of this article – where I will take this exploration.

But as always, I will endeavour to serve you something of use to you.

Here is the first question. 

Do you ever have “issues” with wondering whether you have:

1. DONE enough?
2. HAVE enough?
3. ARE enough?

I suspect each of us may have a bias towards one of these three ‘enough‘ choices.

For me (personally) it is generally the first that is most prevalent.

I often ask the question – mostly subconsciously – “Have I done enough?”

I would like to credit the two greatest influences for today’s article. 

The first is a great client coaching conversation the other day, where I could clearly see how my client not only ‘got it’ intellectually, but had actually integrated significant change into his life; becoming a greater husband, father and boss. It made my day. 

The second is Snow White. 

One of my favourite (and most entertaining) movie reviewers on YouTube is called The Critical Drinker. He not only says exactly what he thinks, but he backs it up with a great technical understanding and knowhow when it comes to creating, telling and producing stories. He also has a great Scottish accent, and is a successful author of a fiction series. 

Anyway, he has been following closely the trials and tribulations when it comes to Disney’s retelling of the Snow White classic, and it shaping up to be one of their biggest Disney movie financial losses of all times. Bugger! 

It is not so much the reworking of the movie and some really bad choices when it came to the direction of the narrative and delivery of it, but for me, I am a people-person and I was fascinated by the lead actress (Rachel Zegler) and her significant part in helping the movie tank. 

So what I want to talk to you today about is SELF AWARENESS. 

How aware we are of ourselves, and our relationship to our inner and outer world.

My belief is that self-awareness is the stepping off point, and springboard, to a truly co-creative life experience.  

Let’s check out the Snow White debacle first. 

Once a month I will record a short 3-5 min video with a practical Tip, Tool, or Strategy. Today is the first edition, and is one of the most important (and simple) STRATEGIES that I teach all my private Coaching clients. It will improve your decision-making “RESULTS” by about 200%!

Enjoy. 

Don’t be thinking this applies only to those who self-identify as a perfectionist. 

I personally don’t think of myself as a perfectionist, but I am sure at times I hang out on the spectrum. 

So…

This might actually also apply to you. 

In fact, the angle I want to approach the topic today is the more subtle practice of perfectionism, which is very likely to apply to most of us.

Let’s see what we can uncover together.   

I notice I generally get less bothered than others, and for less periods of time, when things go to poop.

When life throws us a proverbial (and inevitable) “curve ball”. 

Or crash tackles us, pulls the rug out from under us, clubs us over the head, kicks us between the legs, etc.. 

Feel free to choose the descriptor which works best for you. 

Unfortunately, none of us get a free pass on having “challenges” in our lives.

But here is the thing. 

I experience less disruption or discomfort when things f#ck up, BUT is not by chance, or some “lucky” gene I was granted.   

There are certain actions I take, habits I have learned, and strategies I enact, which allow me to stay calmer when stuff in my life doesn’t go my way. 

Today, I want to share one of the things I have in my ‘bag of tricks’. 

I am sure you already know LOTS of things the so called “experts” get wrong. 

I hear you (and agree). 

Today I am going to focus on one thing that bugs me a bit, because it gives people the wrong impression of themselves and stops them being as awesome as they have the potential to be.

My goal in life is to help people (and myself) become better humans – full to the brim of awesomeness.

And an important part of people being able to flex their true potential awesomeness is having the energy and health to do so.

Which brings us to today’s insight. 

And something that I get fired up about – so I will do my best not to come across as a preachy evangelist, promising you a quick trip to the fires of hell if you don’t believe and agree with everything I say. 

Let me just share my thoughts and observations (which I have built up over 26 years). 

Firstly, I believe this about you and about me. 

Our bodies and minds are freakishly intelligent (and can do stuff even the smartest amongst us can only guess at the ‘how’). 

Our brains, and entire beings, are wired to be constantly learning, adapting, evolving, and figuring out how to live in harmony (symbiosis) with the environment, as it inevitably changes. 

Our species has been doing this for 100’s of 1000’s of years. 

And there are biological parts of us, which have probably been doing the figuring out stuff (i.e. evolving) for millions of years. 

My first point: Mine and your body are not stupid. 

They do not knowingly make mistakes. 

Let me also add two other things to help set the scene…