Carl Massy

First, let me say, I am a HUGE fan of the ‘Personal Development’ space. 

It provides so many insights, practical strategies and practices, which make an enormous difference in peoples lives. 

Helping people become more, do more and achieve more of what they actually want in their lives. 

It’s teachings definitely leads to higher levels of self-actualization and lower levels of stress, so it is a great collection of knowledge and shared experience. 

However…

There is a teaching which I think can do more harm than good. 

Let me just lay it out there, and then I will share with you why I believe this to be so. 

The teaching I think has been misrepresented and misinterpreted, is that the GOAL of all this “work” is to be HAPPY ALL THE TIME.

People believe they are not succeeding in their quest, if they are not happy all the time.

This messaging is obviously not helped by the media (in all its forms).

The message being there is something wrong, broken or missing if we are not ‘happy’ 24/7. 

Being happy ALL THE TIME is not the goal. 

And I don’t believe it was ever the goal or teaching of traditional masters, whether that was from Eastern, Western or Middle Eastern teachings.

Let’s go deeper, and see how this message misses the mark (by a country mile). 

One of the key components of Wisdom-in-Action is “knowledge“. 

KNOWLEDGE + Experience + Consciousness = WISDOM in Action. 

Today, I thought I would share 8 interesting, insightful, and sometimes controversial things, which have an impact on us all – especially if we don’t know about them.

Some you might know, but it is unlikely you are aware of them all.

So, without further ado, let’s jump straight into Number 1 (and no, these are not in a priority order of impact).

I often start off an article with a thought, and then a statement, that this article will be short.

I am often wrong, but today I think it will be.

And I am not even going to ask you to put your hands up if you want to know ways to have less stress, because that is pretty much rhetoric statement and I won’t waste your time. 

One of my favourite words when I was introduced to, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), was the word “catastrophizing“.  

Such a cool word, and it so aptly sums up the situation when someone starts imaging a fairly garden variety problem, but then spins into in a Goliathan issue that is going to lead to them dying, or losing their house, or having their partner leave them, or losing their (very secure) job. 

It is out-of-control worst-case planning and is not useful, plus causes HEAPS of stress. 

But that is not what I want to talk about today when it comes to the CBT spectrum. 

The ‘condition’ I want to talk about is more subtle, but just as stress inducing.

Firstly, I am a fan of “mistakes” being part of the learning process. 

I am also a fan of learning by our mistakes, so we can grow into more awesome human beings. 

But when it comes to “mistakes” there are some that are more impactful than others. 

And the “mistake” I want to talk about today, is one that if you do it, it is definitely going to make your life a bunch harder, and perhaps even a bit more miserable.

None of us really need more of that, do we? 

I certainly don’t.  

If you have followed my work for awhile, you know I am HUGE on nailing this decision-making thing. 

And the reason is simple. 

Decisions – good or totally crap – shape our entire life experience and outcomes. 

If you make poor lifestyle decisions, poor food choices, poor friendship choices, poor habit choices, poor scheduling choices, poor reactional choices, then that stuff is going to have a SIGNIFICANT impact on your happiness, health, wealth and vitality. 

Decisions matter. 

They shape our Destiny. 

So…wouldn’t it be a REALLY GOOD idea to get much better at it??? 

To be a 3-Dimensional (3D) Decision-Maker, as opposed to a 1-dimensional (1D) decision-maker. 

Or even a 3D decision-maker, versus a 2D decision-maker. 

Let me show you how to be a 3D Decision-Maker, so you make better decisions, and have a greater life and a more inspired Destiny.

We started the year pretty easy with some simple tips on the DO’s and DON’Ts. 

So are you now ready to go deeper? 

Of course that is rhetoric, because I know that you are. 

Otherwise you would have left me and my musings long ago. 

Today’s article is inspired by a recent coaching client (45-years of age) and a deeper conversation about their parents, including their influence on their behaviours, even decades after ‘leaving the nest‘.

As a caveat, I acknowledge that some people have had some truly distressing, harmful and abusive experiences with their parents and upbringing, and if that is the case, then tread lightly through this discussion, plus I encourage you to seek professional support to process the deeper stuff. 

My approach to this topic, and life in general, begins with a core belief that “life is for me and not against me” and that “everything (regardless of how discomfortable, unfair, or awful it was or is) is a potential opportunity to learn something new and to grow from that insight”.

With that lens of perception in place, let’s see where this takes us.  

However, I know you are committed to doing the things that make your life more joyful, easeful, and less hard, so I know you are on board.

Here goes.  

Last week I shared 3 simple things I encouraged you to do, or to take action on in 2025. 

Today, I am going to suggest three (3) “simple” things that you could STOP doing this year (and week), which would make a significant course correction in your general feeling of well-being. 

I have tried to find three of the most impactful things, but also 3 things that are actually not that hard to do. 

They certainly won’t cost you much, except a little extra attention and consciousness. 

They are also quite easy to do, but that unfortunately means they are also EASY NOT TO DO. 

Doh!!!

However, I know you are committed to doing the things that make your life more joyful, easeful, and less hard, so I know you are on board.

Here goes.  

Want to know a secret? 

These 3 tips are also about me warming up my writing skills for 2025. 

I thought I would start the year with a gentle ease into it, and then we will pick it up from there – and go a little deeper in the coming weeks and months. 

So for now, let’s see what 3 things I have to offer for the first Newsletter of 2025. 

Here we go…

I am guessing you have plenty of things happening at the moment, as we approach the end of the year, so I will endeavour to keep this tip short (like me). 

Noting that good things, when small, can be twice as good. 

Today’s tip was inspired by real-time and real-world events. 

My older brother is holidaying in Bali for a couple of weeks, and on Day 2 we had a minor ‘tiff’. 

And I figured it would be useful to share with you the “root cause“, and how to avoid something similar during a socially-rich festive season. 

As we approach the tail-end of 2024, I was wracking my brain trying to think of the best ways I could serve you in the weeks ahead. 

Last week we talked about Plans Vs New Years Resolutions. 

This week I am going to talk about how to have great conversations this Xmas, and not fisticuffs, or a need to start 2025 with a list of apologies. 

During 2024, I was working with a number of clients who own their own business, or are around the CEO level, so I have had plenty of great opportunities to not only observe, but talk about what makes great and positively impactful communication. 

The reality is this: In business and in life – poor communication is a HUGE energy-drainer, time-waster, and is anti-optimization.

In business it reduces profits. 

In our personal lives it costs harmony points. 

No one wants that. 

Especially when it is ‘holiday season’. 

We want holidays to equal relaxation, lightness and a whole load of harmony.

So here are 3 simple Tips to help you communicate better.