And as some of you know, I have this belief that the right things, come up at the right time, for the right people. So I know some of what follows will turn on some serious light bulbs in people’s minds. Well I want the lights on, but then I also want you to roll your sleeves up and do the work.
I have always been fascinated by why we do what we do.
I see people achieving great stuff, but I like to look below the surface and see if it is also making them happy. Why are they doing what they are doing? What motivates them, and does what motivates them, lead them on a path of happiness and fulfilment.
I also am fascinated by the idea and distinction between POWER and FORCE.
For me this is the difference between the two:
- Force needs constant replenishing. Power self-replenishes.
- Force is limited in how it can work. Power is free-flowing and flexible.
- Force is clunky and step-by-step. Power evolves quicker, due to creative insights.
- Force can get results and feel good (fleetingly). Power will get results while infusing you with well-being.
- Force is less efficient. Power is all about efficiency.
- Force has a shelf-life. Power is sustainable over the long term.
So today, I am going to talk about a few common habitual thinking and behavioural patterns that might be helping us get what we want, but they may not be fulfilling us.
Habitual Pattern Number 1: When giving stops being fun
The first of the patterns, which I see a lot of, is people who overdeliver on giving, at the expense of their own wellbeing, health, harmony and happiness.
I have certainly been guilty of this myself.
Now the giving is a great thing in and of itself.
It is the OVER-giving that becomes an issue.
And as a basic rule of thumb, the things that we are extreme in (i.e. too far from centre) are the things where there is likely to be some deeper subconscious thing going on below the surface.
In the case of OVER-giving, the most common cause is usually tangled up in the whole self-worth business. Which I can own up to, along with a lot of people.
At some stage, or at some level, we don’t think we are good enough just as we are, with our human imperfections.
So we over compensate. We are like that infomercial where they are saying, you can have this, PLUS you get a free set of steak knives, PLUS a ticket to the movies for 2, PLUS a $20 voucher at Target, PLUS a … plus, plus plus.
In our case we think that helping someone a bit is not enough. We need to help, and help, and help.
And again I am ok with this, UNLESS it starts to impact our own health and happiness. Then it becomes an issue that needs to be addressed.
Without doing the work on the subconscious stuff, one way to deal with this pattern more effectively is to ask a few questions, to bring conscious awareness to the situation. We do that by asking great questions:
- Am I over-delivering at the expense of MY health and happiness? (This calls you out and slows you down, so the pattern is no longer subconscious, but now being reviewed by your full consciousness)
- What is a way for me to best serve this person (or thing) without compromising my health and happiness? (This causes you to bring self-care back into the solution)
I am all for over-delivering. Especially in my business. But I know if I over-deliver in business, it actually might start affecting the health of the business. Same with ourselves. It is great to give and serve others, but if we do it at the expenses of our health and happiness, we can become resentful, sick, anxious, and less able to give in the long-term.
Habitual Pattern Number 2: The proving thing
I was partially motivated to succeed in the private sector, once I resigned as a Major from the army, because someone said I was stupid to resign from a very secure and well-compensated job. I just had to prove them wrong, and that can be great fuel to get you going.
But I don’t think it is great fuel for a sustained life journey. The reason being is that it is something outside of ourselves that is generating the motivation. It feels a bit too FORCE to me. It also disconnects me from what “I REALLY WANT”. Imagine the ‘I’ is big and bold to highlight that to create sustained health and happiness, the best fuel comes from within.
If we are motivated by external forces, we rarely take a step back and ask if the thing motivating us, is actually motivating us in the right direction. We may find that the thing we are trying to prove is more the other persons agenda, than ours.
Trying to prove something is ok, short-term fuel, to break inertia, but once you have created some momentum it is time to take back the controls to your life, and steer your life in the direction of your choosing.
Be more aware if you are motivated (too much) by trying to prove something to someone.
Ask yourself if it is taking you in the right direction. Does it serve you? Does it serve your bigger vision?
Or are you too much at the whims of external forces?
Get conscious. Is that fuel taking you in the direction YOU REALLY WANT TO GO?
If not, get off that roller-coaster. Choose a new ride – the one you like.
Habitual Pattern Number 3: Doing it for the wrong reasons
I have written about this before.
I am fascinated about what is it that causes people to perform at a peak level – particularly in a public arena.
I always wonder if they are doing it for themselves for their joy of whatever it is they are doing, or whether it is as a result of feeling obligated. They feel they have committed so much time, energy and effort to something that they no longer do it for love, but do it out of some external obligation. This then becomes a fear of letting someone down – as our motivating fuel – as opposed to a strong desire to do something that we love.
We can get so caught up in the sense of obligation or duty, that we lose a sense of what we actually want ourselves. We might even tell ourselves that this is what we want too. And if we tell ourselves enough we might start believing it.
But not at a deeper level.
Down in our heart or our gut, something will be out of harmony.
So I am a big fan of understanding not only what people want, but why they want it. Because too often I have found that the WHY is not in alignment with them, and as a result they go after the wrong stuff, and never feel quite fulfilled or content or at peace.
Here is what I recommend: Check in on why you are doing what you are doing. Why are you saying yes to things?
Get conscious of the bigger picture and your deeper feelings.
Trying to deceive yourself as to what you really want is a recipe for making not-feeling-so-good-and-perhaps-even-a-little-bit-crap.
When your mind and body (which includes your brain and heart) and your energetic field are out of alignment, it is really hard to experience harmony in your life.
My aim for you is to help ask questions and bring things up which cause you to increase your level of consciousness. To bring more attention and intention to your life. To better understand why you do what you do, so you can come up with better strategies, do the inner work (on your personal psychology) and create more abundance, success and love in your life.
Hopefully I had done a little bit more of that for you today.
And as always, I am honoured and feel privileged that you take the time and effort to read what I share. Together I think we can create a little bit more magic and goodness in our lives and the lives of others.
Have a truly wonderful and wondrous day.
As always, please ask questions of me, or share your thoughts in a response email or by putting a post on Facebook.