I decided to do a Couples Tantra Retreat with Ferry, because I am committed to not just winging it in my relationship and hoping it all works out.
Plus I wanted to increase the level of intimacy and connection we experienced, while our busy lives and work swirled around us. I don’t like to leave too much to chance in life. I like to be a CO-CREATOR in my life, and that especially includes my relationship.
The retreat was hosted by one of the most authentic, loving, compassionate, knowledgeable, and fun people I know. Diane McCann and her husband Robert have been running this retreat for about 29 years. They are both in their 60’s and are an amazing example of what a relationship can be if you make this thing called ‘love’ a priority.
For me, at the ripe young age of 46, to see couples in their 60’s and even into their 70’s, committed to increasing the love and intimacy in their relationship was amazing. It gave me a new appreciation on possibility. And I don’t know about you, but the whole sex, relationships and intimacy thing was not something my education system had on their curriculum. Such a shame, as it is SUCH an important part of living a fulfilling and meaningful life. One couple were pretty close to divorce, but ended up with a whole new depth of love, appreciation and understanding for each other. Plus they individually expanded.
So if you are interested in hearing more about this amazing experience and how you can quantum leap your own relationship to a whole new level, just drop me an email to ask more or check out Diane’s website at Beyond The Ordinary. I am the first to admit that in the ‘personal development’ space there are a bunch of charlatans, and that’s why I love the authenticity and integrity that Diane brings to all her workshops and retreats.
Ok. So now let’s get into the best relationship strategies.
Note: This will be some of the material for my 4th book (The Guidebook to Amazing Relationships)
Relationship Supercharging Strategy Number 1: Have you read this yet?
Put your hand up, if you are in a relationship and HAVE NOT read ‘The 5 Love Languages‘ by Gary Chapman?
If you have your hand up in the air, I am tut-tutting at you as I shake my head. 🙂
Immediately put your hand down, get a post-it note and write down the name of the book. Then after you finish reading my newsletter, I want you to get onto Amazon and order a copy (or however you do the book ordering thing).
Then read it. Then apply it.
For me, it is the best book for a very practical and effective way to understand how your partner wants you to express your love to them. His teaching suggests – which for me is bang on – if we feel that our love tank is full (aka: we feel loved by our partners), we are less bothered by the little stuff. Just like in the honeymoon phase.
The way we do this is to understand our partners Primary Love Language, and then show your love for them in the way that they love to receive it. For me, when you push the right button (i.e. speak in their love language), you get a disproportionate return on investment for your effort.
The 5 Love Languages are (i.e. the way we want our partner to express their love to us is by…):
– Acts of Service
– Gifts of Affection
– Physical Contact
– Quality Time
– Words of Affirmation
Go to the 5 Love Languages website to establish what your Primary Love Language is, and then get your partner to find out theirs. Then push their Primary Love Language button at least once a day.
For those of you that have read it…Are you bringing it consciously and often into your relationship or are you being complacent? You now know what that leads to. Love takes time and energy, but the rewards at the other end are amazing! (and create a much happier and harmonious house and life.
Relationship Supercharging Strategy Number 2: What’s more important?
The reality is that when there is more love in a relationship, there is likely to be more passion and intimacy and fun and freedom and harmony and joy and laughter and happiness. Could you do with a bit more of that?
So what is your priority:
1. Being Right, or
2. Being in love?
Too often we place being right in front of being in love.
This is called immediate gratification (though the more unhealthy variety) versus long-term gratification and fulfillment.
Let go of your need to always be right. That is a small persons game. Someone who is not committed to the bigger goal. Someone who doesn’t see the bigger picture and is playing too small a game.
Go for the BIG stuff. Aim high. Raise the bar. Aim for passion, intimacy, incredible love-making, fun, joy, peace, and harmony. I know you are capable of this (and most probably so much more).
But this needs a commitment from both of you. Set an intention for your relationship – as opposed to leaving it to chance.
Relationship Supercharging Strategy Number 3: Simple but effective
To have a great business you need to invest time and energy. To have a great body you need to invest time and energy. To write a great book you need to invest time and energy. I could go on, but I am sure you get the message…
To have a great relationship you need to invest time and energy.
But being a strategist I want to spend the least amount of time for the greatest possible result. So here is one great strategy that Diane and Robert taught us.
Before falling a sleep at night, put your hand over your partners heart (for the boys, that is between the bumpy bits ;-)), and say three simple things that you acknowledge them for.
I acknowledge you for…
1. Making me dinner
2. Encouraging me to go for lunch with my friend
3. Listening to me today when I was on a rant
Simple, but effective. As Jim Rohn said, ‘what is easy to do is also easy not to do’. We could blow this off as no big deal. But I have to tell you. It is a great way to bring love and harmony into the bedroom before you fall asleep. And why wouldn’t you want to say to your partner, whom I am assuming you love, a few words to make them light up? For me, this is low effort for huge returns. Therefore it is a strategy I am committed to.
I believe relationships are the source of the greatest (potential) growth we have in our lives. They are also the (potential) source of the greatest joy we experience in our lives. Too often we take them for granted. Especially when we have been together for more than a few years or decades. 😉
This last week I witnessed a couple that have been together over 40 years still have a deep and loving and passionate relationship with each other. But as they will attest to – it takes energy and effort. They will also tell you that the energy and effort is all worth it.
So what strategy can you play with, to bring more love into your relationship, or for those not in relationships now, for future relationships. If you read and applied the strategy in The 5 Love Languages, you would be so far out in front of most people winging it through their relationships.
And like I said, if you are interested to know more about the retreat I just did, don’t hesitate to ask. It was one of the most powerful things I have done in years, and the safe and loving space that Diane and Robert create around love and physical intimacy, is truly amazing. I can not recommend them enough.
Here’s to you increasing the love volume in your life (and in all our lives!).
Have a wonderful day, full of vibrancy and richness.
PS: My new time mantra is – “I am where time comes from”.
As always, please ask questions of me, or share your thoughts in a response email or by putting a post on Facebook.