Well I am going to tell you even if you don’t want to know, but I am tipping that you are just a bit curious…
One thing that I have seen a lot of late in my Coaching clients, plus I have been teaching on courses, is the idea that we really really need to know what we really really WANT.
I am tipping this is really really obvious to you.
Do YOU know exactly what you really really want in life?
Not what someone else wants from you. Not what you think you should want. Not what you have always been doing. Not what you think is best for your family or friends or your partner. Not what you are good at.
Do you know what you really really want?
Because there a bunch of downsides. And most of them are avoidable.
Observation 1: The downsides
It has been my experience, when working with a vast range of people, that when you don’t know what you really really want and are just going through the motions you might feel some, or all, of these:
Now I wanted to connect with some of the pain and downside of not spending time getting clear about what you want, because all of these feelings are avoidable for most of the time. Sure we will feel some of them, sometimes in our lives, but the idea is to feel them the minimal amount of time.
On the flip side, when you get clear about what you really really want (and move purposefully in that direction) you get to experience these emotions:
Which would you rather?
Just thought I would ask. 😉
My next thought: The big WHY
I want you to understand why it is so important to know what you really really want.
The Main Reason
Most of us do not have enough time in our 24hr offering to do everything. There are numerous things and people competing for our attention and limited energy. And if we do not know what we really really want, then we have no clue as to what to say ‘yes’ to and what to say ‘no’ to. Thus creating a huge amount of anxiety and overwhelm. Everything becomes a potential distraction, that saps your mental, physical and emotional energy.
Unless you know what you really really want, you cannot clearly say NO to all of the distractions that come your way. (And yes, this is a common theme of mine, because it is also a common mistake people make. Even the smartest of people, because they don’t recognize or appreciate how relevant it is to our happiness and well-being).
The more certain we are of what we want, the less anxious we feel about the unknown. Clarity and calm are close companions. 😉
If you don’t really really want something that you are currently spending your time and energy on, it is really really hard to find the energy to overcome the inevitable obstacles you will face along the way. Some people wonder why life is such a struggle (myself included at times ;-)). In a lot of cases life feels like a struggle because people are uninspired, unenthusiastic, and uninterested in what they are doing. When you do something you really really want to do; even if it is hard, you are much more likely to experience a positive feeling during and after the activity.
The less tangible (but maybe huger) reason
I believe that we all have, resting somewhere within out metaphoric hearts, a desire to do something that is a unique expression of us. We have a longing to do something. We are called to be or do something with this magical life of ours. I believe it is hard to feel truly happy and fulfilled in life if we do not bring this to light in some way. Now it does not need to be our full-time profession, but I believe it does need to be a part of our life story. The story we tell without regret at the end of our days.
What is inside your heart that wants to be brought to life in a big or small way, and is a unique expression of who you are?
If you are not sure you have a ‘calling’ then watch this powerful 1 min clip on YouTube with Paolo Coelho called Are you hiding from your calling?
Getting practical: The HOW the (beep) do I figure out what I really really want?
Let’s start with some great questions:
What do you really really want to do, be or have in this amazing life of yours?
What is the thing you would love to do but have no clue how to achieve it?
(PS: The best goals are the ones you don’t know how you are going to achieve them…at the start)
What have you always been really really interested in?
What have you always been interested in figuring out?
What do you like to learn about for fun?
What would you be excited to work on for the next 5-10 years?
What would you love to be able to make an income from?
(Followed closely by…How could I possibly make an income from this?)
If there was no chance of failure, what would you do?
(PS: There is no such thing as failure, only feedback)
If you need help with this very very important question, then invest in it. Imagine spending 5-10 years of your life heading in the wrong direction. Not a good idea! Do the work and get the help so you can get really really clear about what you really really want in the foreseeable future. 😉
It continues to be a major thing for me to work with in my Coaching. Helping people get clear about what they want. It was also a big part of my consulting. I needed to know where someone was, and there they were headed, before I could be of any service to them.
So invest the time and energy and even money to get super clear about where you want your life to head.
Then roll up the sleeves and get to work. 😉
And thanks again, as always for this chance you give me to write and share my thoughts with you and hopefully create a bit of space for some magic in your life.
Talking creating space for magic, here is a recent recording from The Happiness Class, on how to create space for magic. Enjoy!
Have a truly wonderful and wondrous day.
As always, please ask questions of me, or share your thoughts in a response email or by putting a post on Facebook.