Can I tell you a secret? This last week on my Coach Training Course was a tough one. Really tough. But also REALLY rewarding. I learned SO much. And I know I also grew a lot (though not in height unfortunately, as I am still a short, dark, handsome 165cm). Just joking! And being the cheeky so-and-so that I am. 😉
For the last 3 years, I have had this condition where before a major presentation, or course, or retreat that I am running, I would have this bizarre skin reaction on my left hand pointing finger. It would be primarily be in the front middle of the finger between the joints and look like I had leprosy (not a good look). I imagine it was some sort of stress eczema. I tried so many different techniques, strategies, tools, and therapies on it over the last 2 years to no avail. However, after and during a really challenging week last week, although I got a faint itch on the finger it did not break out in a freak show. I AM CURED!!!!
Want to know what I did differently?
Time is limited, so let’s get straight to it! This is the Challenge: I want you to become
THE MOST HONEST PERSON YOU KNOW.
WHY Number 1
Most of my clients come to me thinking they have a high level of integrity and honesty and tell me so. But then when I start asking them some tricky questions (which usually has them doing a bit of squiring) it becomes apparent that their 8/10 honesty might be closer to a 4 or 5 (or worse! ;-)).
The reason why is because very few people have the courage to say what they truly think and feel for fear of upsetting other people. Or worse, they know what they feel but they tell themselves that is not what the person in front of them needs to hear, so they choke it down. And in my experience, in 99% of cases, what needs to be said is the truth – what you are honesty feeling and thinking. Continue reading
Let’s just dive straight in!!
Tip 1: Something about trees and forests
See the bigger picture.
Get in the habit of catching yourself out if you focus and ruminate on what is going wrong in one moment or short space of time. Don’t get fixated on the tress and miss the beauty and richness of the forest.
If something is not working, step back, breathe, look around and connect to something that is working. And the more we condition ourselves to look for what ‘IS WORKING’ the more we will find it. Continue reading
Get ready for a wee lesson in how your brain works and how to not have the mental problem solving faculties of a dog (no disrespect intended at dogs for us dog lovers ;-)).
The Brain 101
I am going to be over simplistic here. For those that want a deeper dive on how best to use their brains check out The Guidebook to Optimum Health. 😉
The three basic parts of the brain and their functions are:
- Reptilian (lower) brain. Oldest party of the brain. Controls body movement, and autonomic functions in the body – digestion, breathing, etc.
Now did you notice I used the word ‘processing’? Not fighting. Not suppressing. Not avoiding. Not ignoring. But processing.
It is ok to have so-called ‘negative’ emotions. They are a sign to us that something needs to be done. The aim is to get the message and then have the nervous energy of emotions (with their cortisol and adrenaline) dissipate or be processed as I am suggesting here.
All of the techniques to follow are essentially turning off the stress response, and activating the relaxation response. In that state you are more aware, creative, powerful, resilient and less reactive. So that is always what we are aiming for.
The Tips are sort of listed from the most basic (for the small stuff) to the techniques for the bigger stuff. Choose one, if it is not potent enough then work your way down the list. Enjoy!
At the start of the week I had someone ask me the question about how they can increase their self-esteem. So here are 5 ways that I know for increasing your self-esteem.
Tip 1: 1 Inside = 10 Outsides
You get a huge gold star if you figure out what the heck I am going to say after reading the sub-title.
My point is when it comes to self-esteem there was a mistaken belief, that was perpetuated a couple of decades ago and still holds some sway today, that by telling someone they are great it will increase their self-esteem. Nup – not really. Though too much is likely to increase someones level of narcissism. 😉 Continue reading
So today I just want to throw a small challenge out to you, which is GUARANTEED to make you feel happier.
The why is pretty simple. Life is about feelings. It isn’t about stuff or achievement, it is about how we think that stuff and achievement is actually going to make us feel. So we are after a feeling.
So the feeling I am going to encourage you to create, is this very generic thing called ‘happiness’. It will probably feel a little different for all of us, but regardless of how it shows up, it will feel really good.
Now I don’t like to throw any blame around as a general rule, but it is pretty evident that we are bombarded with ‘messages’ from advertising (LOTS of it!!!), peers, colleagues, Hollywood movies, books, magazines, friends, family, and the little voices in the back of heads that have been building up over decades.
Most of them are telling us that we are not enough. That we are not doing enough, being enough, have enough, achieved enough, etc. etc. etc.
Now I am a big fan of tapping into your full potential, as you know, but…not at the expense of the things that are most important to you.
This is a story about how I carried shame and humiliation with me for 28 years, and how that not only affected me in different situations, but held me back from my potential.
It is also a story about possibility. What is possible when we process limiting beliefs that are related to past trauma. We don’t just feel different, we become different. Different feelings = different results.
Are you ready to know stuff about me that I have barely told a soul? What follows is also a lesson in Vulnerability 101.
Are you over the whole ‘goal setting’ thing yet?
As much as the concept and words have a bad wrap, there is great benefit to figuring out what you want in life, so you can point your life in that general direction. The problem is that if the exercise is entirely cognitive (in your head) you might actually be heading in the opposite direction to your true destination.
1. The journey is the destination
I heard the statement above again recently. Actually I have heard it said in many different ways, but this is more clear for the succinct point I want to make.