Pretty useless Word #1: This is at the top of the list for a good reason
It looks harmless enough, but is it??
Put your hand up high in the air if you like being told what to do by a bossy tyrant?
(I am going to assume that there are very few of you with your hand in the air ;-))
When we use the word ‘should’ it is like a bossy tyrant over the back of our left shoulder is bossing us around. It is like someone outside of ourselves (the owner of the mighty should’s) is directing our lives. Whether it is the voice of society, an over bearing parent, a manipulative friend, an annoying teacher, or an pain in the butt boss. Someone is trying to control our lives.
In psychology it is agreed that we need to feel autonomy – which is also know as in control of our own lives. When we use the word ‘should’ it is taking the control away from us, and putting it ‘out there somewhere’.
Instead of saying ‘I should…’ catch yourself out and replace it with…”I have decided to…”
This way you own your destiny. You are in the drivers seat. You are doing things because you want to; not because that person outside of you is directing yourt life.
So…no more should’s.
Try it, and see how much better it feels to make your own choices.
Pretty useless Words #2: Be very careful of how you use this combination
To be honest…
The truth is…
The reality is…
This is what I call a ‘presupposition’.
It pre-supposes that what follows is the absolute the truth or the reality. When the REAL reality is that what follows might actually be another thing you just made up, or bought into, or got fed along the way. It causes you to become rigidly locked into what follows. It is like you chisel your belief and story into stone.
But here is the thing. You only know what you know, and don’t know what you don’t know. So what you say might be actually be completely wrong, and it might be causing you to react or act in a particular way as a result.
Here is an example:
“To be honest, there is no way you can get ahead financially in this economy if you live in XYZ.”
Is this really a fact? Is it absolutely true? By believing this will someone act a particular way? Will it crush someone’s spirit and make them feel powerless? You bet.
A better collection of words is:
I have a feeling that…
From my perspective…
I have a hypothesis that…
What I have noticed is…
You see how all these have a loser hold on the story. There is nothing being chiseled in stone and they allow the possibility that what follows might not be an absolute truth and may be open to being modified or thrown out completely, if a better perspective is offered.
In my opinion, being too rigid in your thinking and beliefs (in a universe that is changing every second…and yes that means the environment you live in ;-)) is a recipe for discomfort and retardation of growth.
So in summary, be conscious of what you are about to state as a ‘fact’ because it may not be a fact after all. It might be something that you make true, because you believe it to be so.
And yes, this is a common theme of mine. 😉
So this is a reminder for most of you.
Pretty useless words #3: This is like giving up your greatness
Again this is another powerful combination of words that can be detrimental to you shining brightly.
I have a theory that when we say “I can’t” our brain goes back to sleep. It stops trying to figure things out. It stops neurons connecting up with each other in potentially new patterns to figure out a new way of doing something.
As neuroscientists tell us; our brains are malleable. They are constantly being re-patterned as we learn new things. Our brains are designed to figure things out. To learn new information and grow as a result.
I believe that our brains and mind have so much more potential than we tap into. And when we say “I can’t” we are turning off the switch that taps into that potential.
So be mindful of saying “I can’t…”.
Instead say something like: “I haven’t figured it out yet.”
The words you choose and use matter.
Be mindful of your language. It either brings out the best in you, or it holds you back from your greatness.
SHOULD is out.
THE TRUTH IS is to be used very mindfully and only appropriate when you are talking about universal laws (like gravity or the speed of light) 😉
I CAN’T is reserved for when you are talking about lifting a car onto your shoulder. 😉
Here’s to just awesome stuff coming out of our mouths and lighting up our lives and the world.
Have a great day!