TIP 1: Probably not what you were expecting (sorry)
I may have mentioned to some of you in the past that I intended to write 5 books in 10 years, centred around the Guidebook Series. The planned number 4 book was going to be The Guidebook to Outstanding Relationships.
As with my other books, I spend time on the outline and principle teachings I want to infuse in the book. What I found in this process was that 75% of the book would actually be about working on yourself! Which I had already written about in my first three books.
It confirmed for me that if you want to be in a high-vibe, deep and meaningful relationship, the first and on-going part was to work on yourself – constantly.
Which means the number 1 tip on how to experience an outstanding relationship is to work on being an outstanding human being.
The more you are grounded, non-reactive, consciously aware, intuitive, resilient, aligned with your purpose, healthy, and mostly in elevated emotional states; the more your relationships will thrive on all levels. Doing your own inner work is ESSENTIAL for a high quality intimate relationship.
This means focusing on a high quality morning routine. Meditating. Eating healthy life-affirming food. Practicing gratitude. Being physically active. Getting good quality sleep, etc.
The more awesome a human being you work on being, the greater the depth and quality of your relationships, and the more quickly you will navigate through ‘relationship issues’.
Being the best you (and an awesome human being), is the number 1 thing to a great relationship in my humble opinion.
TIP 2: Is your partner a clone?
The good thing about these Tips is that even though they are focused on intimate relationships, they can apply to most other relationships in your life.
This one definitely can!
Don’t have Expectations, have Agreements.
This tip is profound. It is so simple. It makes sense. It is easy to understand and do, but like Jim Rohn said, what is easy to do is also easy not to do.
Hands up if you have ever been guilty of expecting another person to think, feel, act, behave, and do things exactly how you would do them? I hope your hand is up. I am watching.
Too often when we are not paying attention to ‘reality’ we make the assumption, and have the expectation, that someone will do things exactly how we would do them. We unknowingly expect them to clean up like we do, or pack things away like we do, or exercise regularly like we do, or exercise integrity like we do, or take out the rubbish in the way and at the time we would.
Here’s the thing. NO ONE is exactly the same as you. NO ONE.
Everyone is different.
So when it comes to intimate relationships, don’t expect your parter to do things the way you would and then get pissed off when they do things differently (aka: their way). Don’t set yourself up for that unnecessary tension.
Instead, communicate with each other and form an agreement about how the things that matter most to each of you, could and will be done.
This saves a LOT of friction and pissed-off-ness. Try it and see for yourself.
TIP 3: Does it really matter that much?
In my experience (personally) and with the clients I have worked with over years, I have seen relationships hurting when they don’t need to be because of this…
The need to be right.
There is being right (EGO) and then there is being in LOVE.
Again this flows over into all the relationships in our life.
Does it really matter if you are right in the things that don’t really matter? Of course there are bigger, more important topics, where being right might be essential to someone’s health and well-being. But that is probably only about 20% of the time.
80% of the time, we get stuck on stuff that really doesn’t matter a crap.
Like a Mexican stand-off where one person (Ferry) believes they told their partner some time in the past not to let the dodgy gas technician into the house and the other person (me) says they have no recollection of being told that. After a bit too much back and forth, I came to my senses.
Does it matter whether I am right or wrong? Does it matter if I did or didn’t forget? It matters to the EGO, but to the relationship it is irrelevant, obstructional and draining. LOVE encourages me to say ‘I am sorry if I made a mistake, I must have forgotten what you told me in the past.’
Choose LOVE over being right (EGO) on the stuff that really does not matter.
TIP 4: It is all a matter of focus
What are you focusing on?
What you focus on influences what you feel.
Are you focusing on what is wrong, or in most cases, what is ‘not perfect’?
Or are you focusing on what is great?
Gratitude is one of the most powerful, potent and state changing emotions we can practice. It changes our brain chemistry It creates an elevated emotional state and makes us more fun to be around. We go into a high-vibe state.
Would you rather spend time with a low-vibe or high-vibe partner? I think I know the answer.
When we focus on what we are grateful for in our partners, and communicate that to them, it causes them to feel good. It also causes us to feel good as we are focusing on, and activating the chemistry of gratitude.
Here is another thing. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.
Do you agree?
So it is actually not too hard to find faults in people. It is actually really easy.
Take me for example. I can be a little intense at times. I also might a little insensitive, hyperactive, distracted, worrisome, and judgemental along the way. There is plenty of easy ammunition for my partner to focus on with what is wrong with me. But that does not make for a more joyful relationship. Focusing on your partners faults (unless it is a conscious two-way conversation) is just a BAD IDEA.
The better idea is to focus on what is great. Feel gratitude for the great things. And then share them with your partner.
At the same time accepting that they, like you, are not perfect.
My Final Words
Do your best to be your best.
Embrace the inner work. Step into your GREATNESS.
Don’t aim for perfect, aim for greatness.
Don’t expect perfection from your partner either.
And choose LOVE over your EGO, every time.
This current crazy time in 2020 is a great reminder about what is most important. And when you have harmony in your relationship, you have harmony in your home, which again is so important when the world ‘outiside’ can be a little (or lot) nuts.
Thank you for your time, and do check out the details below for the upcoming Life Masterclass Online event. It will be an amazing opportunity to ground, stabilise, get clarity plus to learn new tools to take you forward into 2021 with more ease and grace.
Have a super fabulous day and take care.
PS: The LIFE MASTERCLASS online seminar Early Bird Discount (US$ 100) will be exclusively available to you until 31 October, so I will send you a reminder on or around 31 October, so you don’t miss out. The Coupon Code to get the discount at the Checkout is AWESOME. And I am okay if you share this discount with any of your family and friends who would greatly benefit from getting more stability and clarity back into their lives after a very rocky 2020.