I often have clients tell me it is ‘fear’ which is stopping them from having a greater life experience, or it is the thing that is ‘holding them back from (insert the thing they desire)’. Fear is something I have come to understand a lot better within my clients, and within myself as well.
And like all things in this game of life, I often see a fork in the road. One way leads to learning and growth and the other leads to a downward spiral or something like ‘Ground Hog’ day. This fear thing can take us down the path of learning, growing and ultimately EVOLUTION, or it can leaves us marking time on the spot, or even going backwards.
The first thing I have come to notice when working with people, is often they have used the ‘fear’ line of response so often or unconsciously, that the fear thing is WAY bigger and way less tangible than is useful. It becomes a generic thing, rather than a specific thing. In it’s generic and undefined form it is of limited usefulness and can seem somewhat scary.
So I say to my clients can you tell me EXACTLY what it is that you believe you are fearful of. Don’t sort of tell me. Don’t regurgitate something you have been telling yourself and others for years. Tell me EXACTLY what it is you fear. I tell them I am writing it down, so I want the specifics. And I keep them backing up and revisiting the initial question (of what they are specifically fearful of) until they can tell me EXACTLY what it is they fear.
Do you want to know a secret?
Our brains are mostly alarmists. Well the lower parts of our brain and mind are. The survival parts of the mind. They see ‘something’ and go completely bonkers creating an end-of-the-world catastrophic story. It is bonkers-type thinking, by the lower mind, that turns a harmless stick into a highly venomous, human-chasing, pissed of at you individually, snake. The lower or survival mind often distorts REALITY a lot!
When you bring a higher level of mind, and ask it great questions, like “What exactly and specifically do you have a fear of?” that we actually end up with something useful. Very useful in fact.
Here is the other thing I have commonly seen.
When someone starts to define and refine what they are fearful of, they start to squirm. Not out of fear, but out of embarrassment! They realise, when they verbalize their fear to someone else, it often starts to look a bit on the stupid side. In the sense of, “I can’t believe that is that I am actually fearful of”. They see it for what it is. Some BS they they made up, or twisted, or didn’t upgrade when it no longer became useful, or that is just not true!!
So STEP ONE with using fear more effectively is to get clear on EXACTLY what you are fearful of. Often this alone can wind a generic fear at 9/10, down to a 5/10, which is much easier to deal with and see coming.
The other by-product of getting clarity on what you are fearing, is USEFUL and usable information. Now you know what to specifically focus on. Now you can come up with a plan of action. A strategy. Or clarity of the specialist type of help you need to find.
Additionally, if we allow the emotional experience of fear to be a ‘warning that something might need addressing’ rather than a sign of an imminent catastrophe, we can get to the stage where we can actually thank our beautiful selves and intelligent biology for helping make us become consciously aware of something that needs doing. Maybe the feeling of fear is telling us we need to do more research, or we need to deal with some unprocessed gunk from our past, or we need to change something in our lives, or we need to overwrite some disempowering beliefs, or we need to do another rehearsal, or do more due diligence.
I believe that fear when seen as a signal from the body, when seen through the lens of curiosity, and when turned from a ‘generic thing’ into the very specific; can actually be seen as a GIFT and not a curse.
In reality, it might not be holding you back, but trying to give you a leg up.
What do you think you have a fear of?
And when would now be a great time to curiously have a much deeper and analytical look at just what it is, you think you fear. 🙂
Feel free to let me know what you uncover, and do share how deep the BS (unTRUTH) actually goes. 😉
It is okay to feel fear. But it is just what you do with it, that really counts in our game of life.
My final suggestion is to do less of the digging around solely in your head. Get out a piece of paper and a pen, and make the unknown known. The unseen seen. And let that heightened awareness wake you up to the fullest expression of your potential.
Sending you lots of good vibes and love as you take the inner journey.
All the very best and take care,