This feels like a relevant topic now.
And I like to write about things that are relevant or uncomfortable, even if it means a bunch of people unsubscribe to my newsletter. However, I will try and lighten this subject up as much as possible.
I have worked with 100’s of clients over the 14+ years doing the ‘coaching’ thing. In that time a very common ‘limiting belief’ that comes up, way too often, is a belief along the general lines of:
If I am not LIKED it means I am a bad person (or not worthy of love).
Unfortunately when it comes to beliefs, most of them are distorted, not the full story, or just plain WRONG. These incorrect statements or beliefs disempower us and limit the growth into our full potential.
And the thing with Limiting Beliefs is they are very easily triggered, and once triggered there is usually a disproportionate emotional response and unnecessary activation of the fight, flight or freeze response.
With a limiting belief like this, a disproportionate response can be triggered by any of the following events (which maybe you can even relate to):
- Getting ‘unfriended’ on some social media platform.
- Having someone ‘unsubscribe’ to your newsletter.
- Having someone cancel an appointment with you.
- Hearing a negative second or third hand rumour about yourself.
- Getting a complaint by a client.
- Getting a bad review on something you have created.
- Having someone voice a very opposite opinion to you.
This trigger of needing to be liked by everyone is so easy to set off.
And here is the thing…
NO ONE WHO HAS WALKED PLANET EARTH SO FAR HAS EVER BEEN LIKED BY EVERYONE (EVER!!!!!)
And I am sorry to tell you this, but you are very very very unlikely to be the first.
Get ready for a Truth Bomb.
There will be people you meet or cross paths with in your life that may not like you, may not like what you do, may not like what you stand for, may not like how you dress, may not like how you smell, may not like the car you drive, and also may not like the food you eat, the lifestyle you lead, the health choices you make, your boyfriend / girlfriend of choice, etc., etc., etc.
Next Truth Bomb (which is even bigger).
Even though someone does not like you does not mean you are not awesome, worthy of love and worthy of your place on planet Earth.
Being ‘not liked’ by someone DOES NOT MEAN there is anything wrong with you. The two are unrelated. You are still awesome, even when you make mis-takes.
You don’t have to convince this person to like you. You don’t have to be a clone of them to be liked. You don’t have to change your wardrobe to satisfy them. You don’t have to change your point of view.
IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE LIKED AND (STILL) BE WORTHY OF LOVE BY BEING 100% YOU.
There. I just gave you permission and spoke Truth with a capital ‘T’.
The world is a bit helter-skelter at the moment, with lots of differing points of views, and opinions, and interpretation of what is true and what is not. It is a bit of a shambles (to say the least).
So this is an important time for us all to be okay with being not liked or ‘unliked’ by people, and not have it contribute to any false beliefs about us not being a good person.
Alternatively be conscious about not making bad decisions, if your choice is just so you will be liked. Often the short term decisions in order to be liked – if they go against our conscience – will come back and bite us on the butt at some time in the future.
On Consciousness, Courage, Ego and the not-being-liked thing
The final point I want to make – and I won’t go as deep as I would love to – is this.
In order for you to raise your level of conscious, and evolve beyond the primitive and often narcissistic nature of the EGO; it is essential to let go of our attachment to the need to be LIKED by everyone. We need to exercise the COURAGE to overcome our attachment to what other people think of us, in order to for us to evolve or move towards our self-actualisation.
This is what I mean when I talk about us becoming natural superhumans and where I have been directing my training efforts of late. This experience in the last couple of years (2020 & 2021), is an amazing platform for us to evolve as individuals and step into our true potential.
I just know it.
You are so much more powerful than we have seen to date.
So don’t let the thought of someone not liking you hold you back. It is not a good enough reason. The world needs you to step into your personal power, to evolve and to shine brightly, like the mini supernova that you are.
You are worthy of love.
Period.
Have an super fabulous day!
Take care and keep smiling.
Carl