Confidence is fast becoming the topic that most of my private clients, and people attending my workshops are most interested in.
How do I increase my confidence…in business, in relationships, in public speaking, in doing what I want to do with my life?
How can I be confident that things will work out in life?
Great question!!
I have a hypothesis (or few) on why I think people’s confidence might be an issue. Perhaps it is because of the following:
- We are less grounded because of the amount of distractions we have in our lives
- More people are dreaming bigger dreams in the this world of opportunity, which might require more confidence to achieve
- Our parents might have over protected us, so we haven’t learned to overcome setbacks as easily
- We forget how awesome we are
- We compare ourselves to people who are much further along the path than us (like an apprentice getting annoyed that they are not as good as the master who has been training for 40 years)
- We don’t want to do the work and play the long-term game
- ETC.
And now let’s get into the juicy stuff and why you are here. How to increase your confidence…
Increasing Your Confidence #1: Sorry, but the good stuff does not come in tablet form
Or in liquid form (aka: alcohol). 😉
(Alcohol might seem to increase your confidence, but because it also lowers your consciousness, it is too unreliable. You can’t effectively tell if your ‘funniness’ is actually offending people ;-)).
When we increase our COMPETENCE we increase our CONFIDENCE.
I know this requires work and you were hoping I have some ideas that can hack past the blood, sweat and tears stuff, but I wanted to be honest with you. This is the most solid, sustainable and guaranteed way to increase your confidence.
If I want to be come more confident in teaching, or speaking, or doing business, or writing, or literally anything else, the more I practice it with commitment and dedication, the better I get. And the better I get, the more likely I know I am going to crush it, and the more confident I feel about getting the results I want.
Roll up your sleeves and commit yourself to mastery. Practice, Practice, Practice. Hence why our business is called The Practice. 😉
Increasing Your Confidence #2: Own it
Own where you are at.
Be totally cool with the idea (that has been around for 1000’s of years) that there is a somewhat linear process to mastery and ultimate confidence.
All trade skills would start with an Apprenticeship. And during this apprenticeship period you would acknowledge you are in the learning phase. You are just starting out. And you are likely to make some mistakes.
Let people know. Hey, I am still doing my apprenticeship…”Do you have any tips for me?”
Be proud of where you are AND STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS THAT ARE MUCH FURTHER DOWN THE PATH THAN YOU ARE!!!
When I first started coaching I used to look at Tony Robbins and think I was crap compared to him. The reality was that he had a 3 decade head start on me! Of course he was much better than me!
And let me assure you. In my 10 years of coaching and my 47 years on the planet, I am yet to meet anyone that has it all figured out. So don’t imagine that someone is actually better than you. There is bound to be something they are hopeless at, that you do with absolute ease.
My aim, is to be better than I was in the past. Whether that past is 1 year or 1 week. I want to do the work and feel confident that I will be much better next year, then this year. I am playing the long term game, and my confidence at my skills getting better (because I work on them) is a given.
Increasing Your Confidence #3: Dare to Suck
Pretty self explanatory.
Be ok with sucking. Be ok with making mistakes. Be ok with doing your best and knowing that everything that happens in life, is giving you the opportunity to learn and grow. Every single time.
When something does not work, celebrate!
You just worked out one way not to do things, which is taking you closer to your ultimate goal.
Pretty much everyone sucks when they get started. Chose any great person, in any field and chances are they sucked when they got started. They crashed and burned more than once, and most often the greats have sucked and failed more than a lot of us put together.
I have sucked on a number of occasions. Huge, whopping failures. Lost lots of money? Yep. Failed business? Yep. Crap presentations? Yep. Only 2 people show up to my events? Yep. Told that I suck? Yep.
But boy did I learn and grow as a result.
DARE TO SUCK and you confidence and results will go up, up, up. 😉
PS: I also believe that life is for you, and not against you; so life wants you to succeed.
PPS: I also know that the times I thought I sucked, no one noticed, and even thought I did a great job!?!?! So cut yourself some slack. 😉
Increasing Your Confidence #4: What science has to say
- The brain is constantly evolving
- The brain learns and grows
- When learning any new thing the brain adapts to support the learning of a new skill
- You are not genetically wired to be good or bad at stuff
In the book ‘Mindset’ by Carol Dweck, she established that people with a growth mindset realise that anything they do more of, the better they become. That we are not ‘fixed’ in our abilities, but the mind can grow and learn and evolve.
So I am CONFIDENT that whatever you (and I) put our minds to, the better we will become. I am not only confident that the more competent I become the more confident I become, I am confident that I can get better at whatever it is I put my energy into.
Be confident that you will get better at what you focus on and practice. It is science. Your brain is geared for your success.
Increasing Your Confidence #5: A very simple but effective strategyThe opposite of confidence might be fear or anxiety. Instead of feeling confident, you go into a stress response, where you gut tightens, your palms sweat, you start to panic, you forget your name, and you become hyper focused on the result you don’t want. Sound familiar
This is the time you need to…
BREATHE.That is why I have a rock in front of my computer that has BREATHE carved into it.
Before you do something that you believe you need confidence for, take some deep breath’s. Breathe in deeply and then let out an audible sigh. Do this a few times and it actually works to turn down and even turn off the stress response.Breathing (yes I know it is simple and you don’t think you need to be told ;-)) deeply and calmly is going to deactivate the stress response, and also allow you to get more oxygen to your brain, so you can be wiser and more effective. So you also remember what to say and how to say it.
Breathing is your connection to life. Breathe better and you enhance your life (and brain power). 🙂
IN SUMMARY
Don’t assume that if someone looks confident that they are not feeling the butterflies on the inside.
Do the work. Roll the sleeves up and get focused on mastery over the long term.
Don’t compare yourself to others that have been in the game for much longer.
Do…breathe in 2, 3, 4, and out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 (a longer out breath is good for grounding you)
Don’t believe you are genetically ‘fixed’ to be good or bad at something.
Do know that science says that your brain will evolve and adapt to whatever you want to learn.
Be confident that life is for you and wants you to succeed.
Be confident that sucking is part of the growth process.
Be confident that the people who count want you to succeed.
Be confident that you are more than worthy of success.
Be confident that I know you can do it. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Sending you much love (even to the boys out there ;-))
And have a super fabulous day!