I decided to do a Couples Tantra Retreat with Ferry, because I am committed to not just winging it in my relationship and hoping it all works out.
Plus I wanted to increase the level of intimacy and connection we experienced, while our busy lives and work swirled around us. I don’t like to leave too much to chance in life. I like to be a CO-CREATOR in my life, and that especially includes my relationship.
The retreat was hosted by one of the most authentic, loving, compassionate, knowledgeable, and fun people I know. Diane McCann and her husband Robert have been running this retreat for about 29 years. They are both in their 60’s and are an amazing example of what a relationship can be if you make this thing called ‘love’ a priority. Continue reading
Time is limited, so let’s get straight to it! This is the Challenge: I want you to become
THE MOST HONEST PERSON YOU KNOW.
WHY Number 1
Most of my clients come to me thinking they have a high level of integrity and honesty and tell me so. But then when I start asking them some tricky questions (which usually has them doing a bit of squiring) it becomes apparent that their 8/10 honesty might be closer to a 4 or 5 (or worse! ;-)).
The reason why is because very few people have the courage to say what they truly think and feel for fear of upsetting other people. Or worse, they know what they feel but they tell themselves that is not what the person in front of them needs to hear, so they choke it down. And in my experience, in 99% of cases, what needs to be said is the truth – what you are honesty feeling and thinking. Continue reading
So today I just want to throw a small challenge out to you, which is GUARANTEED to make you feel happier.
The why is pretty simple. Life is about feelings. It isn’t about stuff or achievement, it is about how we think that stuff and achievement is actually going to make us feel. So we are after a feeling.
So the feeling I am going to encourage you to create, is this very generic thing called ‘happiness’. It will probably feel a little different for all of us, but regardless of how it shows up, it will feel really good.
Tony Robbins talks about the quality of our lives being directly proportional to the quality of the relationships in our life; which is supported by Positive Psychology research which lists quality relationships as one of the five measurable pillars to well-being (and our ability to ‘flourish’).
I don’t think either you or me will deny the impact of our relationships on our happiness. So I want to share with you one simple relationship strategy I use in my life.
A basic concept
When we help someone to like them selves more, they will like us more. And well we feel liked (or loved) by someone else then we feel better about ourselves.
So if we reverse engineer this concept, for us to feel better about ourselves, all we need to do is to make other people feel good about themselves.
How ground-breaking is that? 😉
I was doing a session this week with a client on the MindBody retreat and as we were spending time delving into attachment, vulnerability, basic human needs, and a bunch of other topics; it became very clear to me that projecting an image of what you want others to think of you is not only energy consuming, but it erodes your authenticity and therefore LIKEABILITY. Not so cool…
Have you ever had (or still have) a Facebook ‘friend’ who always posts about how fabulous their life is? How fabulous their relationship is. How fabulous their holidays are. How happy they are (all the time). And even how great their pets, children, job, etc., etc., etc. are.
What are your real thoughts when you read their stuff? Not the stuff you ‘like’ or the comments you post on Facebook; but what you really think.
Tony Robbins, a famous success coach once said ‘the quality of our lives is directly proportional to the quality of relationships we have in our lives’.
Quality relationships light us up. They energize us. They inspire us. They encourage us to show up in bigger and better ways. They support us. They give us perspective. They entertain us. They even improve the quality of our health (unless of course you drink a dozen beers every time you meet ;-)).We all know this, at some level. But we forget to practice it. We get complacent. We take our friends for granted. We settle for virtual interactions with televisions and internet ‘stuff’ and forget the joys and pleasure of real face-to-face, voice-to-voice and person-to-person relationships. We need to recognize the value and then make the time to foster these ‘priceless’ relationships in our lives.
What role does the mind play in Self-Love?
When we think of the whole self-love thing we often are focused on the heart and feelings. Which is rightly so. Love is a feeling thing. It is heart-based and felt throughout the body. As opposed to a funny feeling we experience in our heads. Although love and light-headedness do go together on occasions. When we talk about self-love we are talking less about hormones and swooning ourselves, or buying ourselves romantic gifts to be opened by ourselves while we have a candlelight dinner by ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, the gifts and romantic dinner sound like fun, but let’s get back to this question of ‘what role does the mind play in self-love?’