I imagine that you mostly agree with the statement that what we DO and DON’T do have a huge impact on the results we get in life. I have spent the last 20 years on a search for the DO’s and DON’Ts when it comes to increasing our happiness, health and success.
So today I am going to focus on what the successful people (the happy, healthy and fulfilled people) DON’T make a habit of doing.
Are you ready, because here we go…
DON’T Do #1: Don’t blame others
Firstly it uses a lot of energy to moan and bitch about others, and the energy expended doesn’t take you any closer to what you really want.
When you are overly focused on what (you perceive) other people to have done wrong, then you miss out on the chance for growth. You miss out on seeing what you could could have done differently. It is this self-awareness that allows you to become better, to understand more completely and to give you the tools to make better decisions in the future. If you don’t curiously (versus judgmentally) look inwards, then you miss a golden opportunity.
If you put the control of your life in the hands of others, you are going to feel stressed and out of control a lot. The only person you can truly control is yourself. Since you cannot control others, or governments, or institutions, spending time and energy blaming them is time wasted, that could be spent on finding a new and creative solution.
Learn & grow, rather than moan and bitch about others.
DON’T Do #2: Resist change
How flexible are you?
We are not talking toe touch here – I am talking about mental flexibility. The more important type of flexibility.
Do you fight against reality by saying things like…”It shouldn’t be like this?” or “Why is it like this?” or “But I have put all this work into this…’
Change is inevitable. Change is the essence of life. Everything in nature is in a constant state of change.
When you notice or identify change, rather than fighting it, slip into Aikido mode, and move with it. Start looking at how you can use the change, or how you can leverage the change, or how can you use this change to pivot in a different direction. If you want to evolve, it requires change. No change = no evolution.
Don’t waste time fighting change. Accept it. Get curious. Then get creative.
(This is time and energy well spent)
DON’T Do #3: Let the thoughts of ‘fear’ stop them
Most of our fears are:
- Not true
- Exaggerated
- A thought and not a fact
- Based on assumptions
- Very unlikely to ever happen
The successful realise this about fears. They also realise that as they move to and through their (thought) fears the fears start to transform. They are mostly revealed as an ILLUSION.
The successful realise if you are going to create anything new, there is bound to be a part of you, that wants to keep you safe, by imagining all the worst case scenarios. They accept that this is normal, but is not a sign that their fears are TRUE.
They also realise that overcoming fears is a part of the growth journey. And the better they are prepared physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually; the easier it is to move through their fears.
Accept that when you are stepping into the unknown a part of you will tell you lots of reasons why you shouldn’t do it. It is just trying to keep you safe. Thank that part of you. Do a final review your plan. And then step into the unknown in order to create some magic in your life.
DON’T Do #4: Resist asking for help
It is not the weak who ask for help, it is the SMART people.
I am not sure I need to say too much more. For the last 20 years I have been studying human behaviour and psychology and high performance, and along the way I have learned a lot, experienced a lot, and have a lot of tools and strategies at my disposal.
But the older I get the more quickly I actually ask for help. I figure that it is more important to achieve what I want than to struggle my way to saying “I did it myself”. Perhaps I am becoming more mature (aka: older) and just want life to be a little easier.
I have also found that with the right help, I can achieve so much more.
If you need help, ask for it. It’s the smart thing to do.
DON’T Do #5: Wait for the ‘perfect’ moment to take action
Waiting for the ‘perfect’ moment, can be another expression of fear of the unknown. It can be an excuse not to execute a plan. The excuse being that you just need to tweak a few things, or make some changes, or fix some stuff. So become more conscious of whether your need for ‘perfection’ is a defence mechanism to protect you from judgement and criticism. To create and innovate is to open yourself to judgement and criticism. It is just a part of the process (sometimes not fun, but necessary).
There is a reason sometimes to take your time to continue to fix something (if it is a safety issue, or will hurt others, or is not working), and then there is a time to take action and test and adjust along the way.
The successful person realises that there is never likely to ever be a ‘perfect’ time to take some action. They also realise that they need to take action in order to gain TRUE clarity as to whether the thing they are doing, or have created, actually works. It is when we take action that we get real feedback on what is working and what is not working.
The successful also realise that making mistakes is inevitable. They don’t hold back out of fear of making mistakes and ‘looking bad’. They know that to do something great, mistakes and failure are the key to the feedback they need, in order to create their something great.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Be courageous. Step across the line and use the feedback you get the means to make (relevant) improvements and adjustments along the way.
Parting words
Are any of the five (5) listed above relevant to you?
Or are there any of them that you could get better with?
Self awareness is the first step. The second step is to ask yourself what you can do to mitigate this thing that might be holding you back. Then do that.
And in that process; I wish you all the best.
If you want to become even more self aware, join me for a Life Masterclass, the next being in Melbourne (28-30 June 2019). I would love to help you on your path to greater happiness, health and success. Please reply to this Newsletter if you have any questions.
Have a wonderful day.
Take care and much love.
Carl
Want HELP with getting clear about you path, priorities and a sustainable plan? Then get in contact. Just reply to this email or connect with me on Facebook.