And right from the get go, let me make it clear what I did not learn.
I did not learn how to cook.
So, sorry, but there will be no kitchen hacks or fab recipes in this article.
You see, I do know my place (it is not in the kitchen).
Ferry is the foodie, who LOVES cooking, and even loves cooking for me.
So, why would I waste time and energy on something, which someone else loves, and also makes them happy?
Instead, I put my energy into trying to understand the psychology and “why” of things.
Why does A + B = G?
In this article, I decided to share my psychoanalyzing of Gordon Ramsay, from his Netflix show “Being Gordon Ramsay“.
It was not only entertaining, but deeply informative for me, as I asked myself the question, “I wonder why he does that?“.
So, let me share with you what I learned.
But, before I go on, I am going to assume that you know who Gordon Ramsay is.
But, just in case you are a hermit, he is one of the most prolific and successful chefs on the planet with multiple restaurants (over 90), a bunch of Michelin Stars along the way, numerous successful television series and documentaries, a prolific impact and following on Social Media platforms, and a worldwide recognizable and impactful brand identity.
I am also VERY clear that Gordon Ramsay is no saint, has had a very colorful and checkered life and career, is obnoxious and abrasive at times, swears like a trooper, and rubs a lot of people up the wrong way.
This is not about promoting him, but trying to understand what drove him, and also what stabilized him, so he did not take a wrecking ball to his whole life (as many others on the pursuit of fame and fortune have).
What shaped him
All of us are shaped by our early childhood experiences, and the influences of these people most important to us in life.
Which generally has our parents at the top of the list for “people who had the greatest influence on our personality, mindset and personal psychology“.
The takeaways for me with Gordon Ramsay (just ‘Gordon’ from this point forward), is there were key things which each of his parents “taught” him via words, but mostly by actions.
Gordon was born in Scotland, but grew up in England, from very humble beginnings.
His mother at times was working three jobs, and his father was constantly trying to make things work by flitting around different jobs, opportunities, failures and geographic locations. His dad was also an occasional violent alcoholic.
I believe the primary traits he took away from his parents were:
1. A high voltage work ethic by his mum.
2. An insatiable desire to NOT be like his dad (maybe he would have considered his dad a “failure”).
3. A strong desire to build a loving and supportive family (which he didn’t really have).
He also speaks about how he never truly had the respect and support of his father, who even called cooking a “woman’s job”.
I believe it was his burning desire to prove himself, and an unmatched work ethic, that planted the seeds of success, and the formula for his empire building.
Coupled with that were amazing teachers and mentors very early in his career in the form of Marco Pierre White and Albert Roux, plus other Michelin Stared chefs.
It was from them that he started to zero in on the idea of aiming for “perfection”.
Now, as you know, I am not a fan of a hyper-fixation on “perfection“, especially if it is an unconscious driver.
Perhaps, with the right personality, drive, and conscious focus on perfection (on the plate and with the dining experience), the outcome is slightly less likely to lead to burn out and self-loathing (when “perfection” is not attained).
I am okay with – in our younger years – being driven to succeed to ‘prove something to someone’; but it is a fuel which becomes toxic over time.
At some point we want to replace the fuel of “proving” to the fuel of “LOVE” and perhaps in Gordon’s case, a strong desire these days (it appears) to bring out the very best in his people by challenging them to be, what they could never imagine in themselves.
Empowering others, for me is a truly worthy and meaningful goal.
The foundation he created success from
Gordon was fortunate enough, in his younger years to meet his lifetime partner, and support, in the form of his wife Tana Hutcheson (whom he met when she was 18 and then married when she was 22 – in 1996).
At the time of his marriage Gordon was 30, and likely at the prime age for a guy to “wise up” a bit, as he leaves his mad 20’s behind.
The frontal cortex of the brains of men, is considered to develop, and therefore allow willpower and restraint to be exercised, in our late 20’s.
(I can certainly vouch for that theory, as I believe I “wised-up” and stopped being reckless at the age of 29).
Gordon’s wife has been a crucial part of his success, and I almost see her (Tana) as the very FOUNDATION, which allowed him to create and thrive from.
I don’t believe he would be where he is today without her support, stability and guidance.
The other thing I found fascinating was Gordon not only has 6 children (the 4 oldest are adults), but the youngest boys are (Oscar) almost 7 and (Jesse) just over 2 years.
The thing most fascinating for me, and knowing the challenges for high performers (having worked with many), is that as Gordon’s professional life has become more complex, with more restaurants and balls in the air, he is quite dependent on his relationship with his kids to keep him grounded, present, and distracted, when he is at home.
The choice to have the two youngest, about 18 years after the next oldest child, was because he knew, and depended upon (whether he knew it consciously of not) the ability for him to wind down, disconnect from work, and become fully present, by playful interaction with the kids.
Now again, I don’t think he would have been the best father for the oldest kids, and was likely very absent through their formative years, but I find it very interesting that he knowingly or unknowingly decided to have two young children, as an anchor and recharge station, when he is not working.
Many high performers I have worked with struggle to transition from “work” mode to “outside of work” mode; and I think Gordon’s strategy of high involvement in the family and kids, works very well for him and without it, he might keep the pedal to the medal and eventually run out of gas.
Again, I am fascinated by choices people make and the impact they have – knowingly or unknowingly.
And also, I acknowledge I have only seen what I have seen on this reality TV show, and there is likely to be a whole lot more going on I am not privy to.
A strategy that works well I think, is being able to look at someone (in this case Gordon) and take the positive lessons they offer, while letting the other negative stuff slip by the wayside.
Gordon, though he strives for “perfect” in this work, is definitely not perfect himself.
Nor are any of us for that matter.
In Summary
I hope you have enjoyed this little adventure into some of the things I found fascinating about Gordon Ramsay’s story, and have learned something yourself.
I believe our aim is to use the fuel that was offered to us in our younger formative years to springboard us into our highest level of achievement, but at some point, changing the fuel for something more LOVE-based and deeply meaningful.
When we are driven to succeed, we need to make sure it is for all the right reasons.
Success is not a solo game, but highly supported by partners, family, friends and the right professional colleagues.
Finding healthy “distractions” (like playing with kids, reading, exercise, mindfulness practices, etc.) are so important for us to manage and maintain our mental health.
My Parting Words
I chose to do something different today, in writing about Gordon Ramsay.
And, as I said, I know he is no saint, but there is still stuff within the rough we can learn from.
By staying curious and seeing what does and doesn’t work for others, plus exploring the deeper meanings, we get to make better choices in our own lives.
I guess one of the key messages I want you to take away from this is making sure you are driven to succeed – for all the right reasons.
I know personally I was driven to prove my uncle wrong when he tried to encourage me not to leave the army, because in his mind I would not be able to make as much money or have the benefits I got from being a Major in the army.
That definitely drove me.
And lead to me resigning from the Army and working as an international security consultant to mega events around the world; leading a very exciting lifestyle and being very well financially compensated (well beyond what the army provided me).
But, at some stage I no longer benefitted from the fuel to prove to someone I could financially succeed, and instead threw caution to the wind, and followed my HEART and a love of SERVICE to others, into the profession of Coaching, which I have now done for over 18 years.
A LOVE to SERVE now drives me, and it is a much cleaner burn.
What drives you?
Is it the fuel of love and meaning, or something else?
And that, my friend, is a worthy thing to explore and resolve.
Have an incredible day and create a life of love and deeper meaning.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“I believe our aim is to use the fuel that was offered to us in our younger formative years to springboard us into our highest level of achievement, but at some point changing the fuel for something more love-based and deeply meaningful.” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
