So I was doing a coaching session with a client in Copenhagen last night (unfortunately it was via Skype and not in person; because Copenhagen is such a gorgeous city). And as with most clients, my job is not only to help them identify what they want (and how to get there); a big part of my job is to say to them “that’s total crap” or “that’s absolute rubbish” (if they are more prim and proper). My job is to challenge their ‘stories’.
Because here are a couple of secrets:
1. Pretty much all of our stories are not true (certainly not 100% true)
2. The more we believe our stories, the more we ‘make’ them true.
So given point 2, we need to be really conscious of the stories we tell ourselves and stop telling ourselves stories that don’t serve us.
Are you playing the right track?
Let me use the example from last night’s session to show what I mean.
This person is in a job they are good at, they are well paid, and they are well regarded. But they don’t like it, and badly want to do something else. A something else they have yet to uncover. And I suspect what got in the way of some bright ideas was a STORY.
Their story (which was played often on a loop recording several times throughout the day) was … “I have no idea what I want to do”. They even told the story to other people. In fact, it became their calling card: “I don’t know what I want to do with my life”.
The result…the mind serves it master, by staying stuck in the story. All their attention goes into not knowing what to do. They become attached to the story and it starts to become their identify and personal ‘reality’. I am the person who does not know what to do with my life.
Challenge ALL of the stories that are not serving you. Are they true? 100% true?
Byron Katie, the author of Loving What Is, has created a series of 4 questions, which she calls ‘The Work’ which is all about challenging peoples stories. She will ask if a story someone is telling is true. If they say yes, she will ask if they are 100% certain of its truth, and is it 100% true in 100% of cases, 100% of the time? It is at that point that cracks appear and the story loses a bit of its potency. Which suddenly opens them up to the beautiful field of possibility.
We all get attached to our stories. And it is great if the stories serve us, but often they don’t. They become a self-imposed obstacle on the path to realizing our greatest dreams and desires. They become a safety blanket and excuse as to why we haven’t achieved X, Y, or Z. An excuse why we are stuck, or depressed, or in this ‘bad’ situation.
CHANGE THE STORY AND YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Another name for a ‘story’
A story is just a belief or bunch of beliefs put together. And as I say to anyone who will listen (or that even glances in my general direction):
BELIEFS lead to Feelings which lead to Behaviour which determines your RESULTS.
Change your beliefs and you must get different results. Change your STORY and you must get new RESULTS.
Your mission should you choose to accept it…
If there is any discomfort or struggle or challenge in some part of your life, this is what I want you to do:
1. Ask yourself what STORY you are telling yourself that is making you to feel the way you do.
2. Figure out if the story is 100% true, 100% of the time (true like the law of gravity for example ;-)). If you want a second opinion please give me a call.
3. If it is not 100% true; CHOOSE to let it go.
4. Make up a new story. One that opens the door to a new possibility. One with more brightness, and magic, and wonder, and brings out the best in you. One that leads to a happy ending, or opens you up to an exciting journey, or makes you smile to think about it.
Last night’s new story became: “I haven’t figured out exactly what I want to do yet, but I know it is coming to me”. (Opening up to Possibility)
A magic tip I use
If I am struggling to see myself in the story achieving the big goal, I step back and ask myself “IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO ACHIEVE (MY GOAL)?”
I ask myself “IS IT POSSIBLE?” until I experience a positive feeling of the possibility.
The truth is (and this one IS 100% true 100% of the time) we are ALL capable of so much more. There is more possibility in any of us, than we will use in 5 lifetimes. I have never ever met anyone that is using 100% of their potential; and I will assume you are not the first.
So change your stories, and change your life!!
Like I said flippantly in this article, if you need someone to give you a second opinion on the validity (and truthfulness) of your story, then just reply to this email and let’s chat. Know your life is full of untapped potential and possibility.