The first point I want to make is that this “case study” is a VERY common one.
In fact, working on someone’s Belief Systems is the Number 1 thing I do with ALL of my clients.
Meaning, ALL of us have beliefs which are not serving us.
Some are clear to us, and others, are so subtly invasive, and enmeshed into our identity and stories, they wreak havoc without us understanding why.
So what follows is a great example of a client I recently worked with.
They were in their early 30’s, highly capable, intelligent, driven and what we might call a high-performer.
However, they had this annoying little belief, planted when they were about 5 or 6 years of age, which made their life WAY harder than it needed to be.
It starts innocently enough
It never ceases to amaze me, how the tiniest choice of words, can make such a difference.
This story begins about 3 decades ago in this game of life for our highly-capable colleague.
They were raised by supportive and engaging parents.
They were also a person who excelled academically and in sports, in their average-sized regional European city.
One of the things they clearly remember being told by their mother was: “You can do whatever you want to do (in life).”
This seems like a lovely piece of unconditional love.
Unfortunately, it all goes a bit south, with part two of the statement (which was repeated often).
“BUT you need to be the best.”
Oh nooooooooooooo!!
I am sure you can see where this is going.
I have spoken about “speaking in absolutes” in the past.
When we say “the Best“, and especially if it is taken LITERALLY (which happens when we are a kid, sponging up information and data, with our brain in more often an Alpha or Theta brainwave state – which is the same used in hypnosis, to bypass the critical thinking faculties) then what we are saying is:
You need to be No 1.
And taking this further, and again very literally, if you are not Number 1, then you have been unsuccessful in meeting the brief.
“Do whatever you want, but you must be the best.”
Do you know how hard it is to be THE BEST in anything?
Ridiculously hard!
Which means, you are setting yourself up for failure, every time you are not number 1.
Here’s the kicker
As a 32-year-old – intellectually – you can acknowledge that there are likely to be very few things in your life, where you will be number 1, especially in a world now so interconnected that you are in competition with millions and maybe billions of others.
Actually, the only thing you can be THE BEST at, is being your unique self.
But if you have a fundamental Belief – active below the surface of your conscious awareness – and you are not aware of its impact unless you are paying 100% attention to it, it may play out in your life like this:
– You are highly critical of your successes.
– You compare yourself with others (perhaps in an unhealthy way).
– You set goals for yourself that are close to impossible.
– You probably put ‘being the best’ above your health.
– You have a hard time relaxing.
– You are not good at criticism (feedback), and you may avoid it (even if it might be helpful).
The challenge with limiting beliefs we have adopted in our younger years (and that we have built into our identity, map of the world and even our habits), is even if we can see they make no sense when we are 35, they can still run the show when we are not paying 100% attention to our patterns.
So, this client of mine, gets all of this at a conscious and intellectual level, but is still blind-sided with survival emotional states, when a part of them is fearful they will not be the best.
Fortunately, she is self-aware enough, and knows that this is something she needs to work on, so seeks the right support and help to process this limiting belief (in this case me).
Obviously, the first step is figuring out what story, belief or program, might be causing the disharmony in our lives.
And then working from there.
In Summary
Beliefs can be formed when we are young from misinterpretation of information, because we were too young to pick the useful bits, and bin the unhelpful stuff (discernment).
The wording of our beliefs can have a significant impact on our emotional state – like the HUGE difference between being “The Best” versus being “One of the Best” (near impossible, versus very possible).
We ALL have limiting beliefs, stories and programs.
Step 1 is identifying – when it comes to areas of disharmony – what you are telling yourself which is making your life so hard.
My Parting Words
Obviously, this is a subject I speak about a lot.
And have written about in most of my books (especially The Successful Mind).
Understanding our inner dialogue, especially the things on loop recording, is a key to liberating our body, mind and spirit.
Also, we need to realize the true power of words.
Like I said in the Summary, the difference between needing to be the best, and one of the best, is enormous.
One implies you need to be Number 1, and the other implies, if you are in the Top 10%, you are winning in the game of life.
And depending on how many players there are, in the field of your expertise, you can be in the top 1000, and still feel great about yourself and your achievements.
Versus sweating blood in your desire to be at the pinnacle.
And then maybe – for the chosen few who make it to the pinnacle – constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure no-one steals your spot.
What a miserable thing to aim for and even achieve (IMHO).
So…the lesson today is about the impact of beliefs.
Where might your stories be holding you back from peace, joy and harmony?
Chances are it is not an “outside of you thing” but a “misinterpretation thing” going on.
And if ever you need a hand, you know where to find me.
Plus in the coming months, I will run an online 1/2-day workshop called “Overcome Self-Imposed Limitations“, so keep an eye out for that.
Finally, on that parting note…
Have a truly spectacular day, and a week of greater attunement to the programs running your show.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“The wording of our beliefs can have a significant impact on our emotional state – like the HUGE difference between being “The Best” versus being “One of the Best” (near impossible, versus very possible).” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
