I started writing this article, up in the mountains of Bali (near Mount Batukaru), and it is frankly a little chilly sitting here outside.
So I might have to write a relatively short article today, so I can head down the mountain and warm my toes.
Short, but not simple, or unimportant.
Because I have a good feeling, that a lot of you who read my newsletters, are in the top echelon of human being, and are kind, compassionate and empathetic.
Am I right?
I reckon so.
But there is an interesting thing I will share today about EMPATHY, that I have thought about, paid attention to, and recently learned a bit of age-old wisdom in regards to empathy’s potential “downside”.
Who would have thought?
How could there be a dark side to empathy?
Well let me share with you what I have come to understand.
Yes, we are going to look at the consciousness thing (again)
The truth is, I am going to bang on about the importance of raising our level of consciousness (and conscious awareness), until I take my last breath.
And the reason is not because I have obsessive compulsive disorder or some other weird obsession (yet to be labeled).
The reason is, that Consciousness is one of our greatest super powers.
I stand by my former comments that adding consciousness to ANYTHING, improves it.
And without it, even a noble virtue like courage can turn into pure recklessness.
Even love can turn into suffocation, or neediness, or impaired discernment.
So…
The ancient yogi’s (and yes this is fresh after my recent training course with Octavio) knew that EMPATHY, without a counter-balance, can actually become a “weakness”.
The yogi’s counterbalance to empathy was “higher compassion“.
And when they mean higher, they mean higher mind (the Buddhi part of mind, in Sanskrit), which is most closely attuned to and able to access pure consciousness.
We could also call it “conscious compassion”.
In practice that would mean rather than leaning reactively into empathy, and helping everyone in front of you who looked like they needed “help”; you would tap into higher mind and elevated levels of consciousness, and first ask a few really important questions like:
- Does this person actually want my help?
- Will my helping them actually help them in the long run (or enable them to sit for longer in victimhood)?
- Would this person actually benefit from crashing and burning (even though it will be hard to watch)?
- Do I actually have the energy for this?
- Is helping this person leaving me less energy to take care of my own intimate relationship and family?
- Am I doing this so I fill a subconscious need I have (i.e. to be a good’ist, or be perceived as a martyr, or to feel worthy of love)?
My inspiration for this article is that I was talking with a client the other day, who has a huge heart, is a great person, but when having a closer look, employs empathy reactively, without the conscious level of discernment, which can adversely affect the people closest to them.
One of the rules with doing energy work, is to tap into the existing energy all around us in the ether (and is more limitless), as opposed to just using the energy within us, which is more finite.
It is our excess energy (built up by doing energy building practices and rituals), that we share we others.
The lesson today is simple:
Empathy is great IF employed with conscious awareness and discernment of the bigger picture.
Summary
Empathy is a great virtue.
Empathy employed unconsciously can not only deplete your energy, but may not actually be helpful for another person.
The counter balance for empathy is “conscious” compassion.
Sometimes helping people (too much) means it enables them to be a victim, and not learn and grow by overcoming their own story or internal resistance.
Ask quality questions BEFORE you step into help.
The caveat is of course, if someone is in immediate physical danger, you remove them from harm’s way, then ask the bigger questions.
My Parting Words
Short and sweet…and now time to head down the mountain and warm my feet.
Which actually might be a metaphor for something more profound, and which I can ponder on the ride.
Again, I suspect that a number of you reading this are the very first people to step in and help others.
It is your nature and a reflection of the quality of your heart.
All I am suggesting here is to do so, but with a broad perspective and tuned-in conscious awareness.
Sometimes helping people, doesn’t exactly help them.
Doing push-ups for someone who is lazy, will not benefit their physical health.
They need to feel the discomfort themselves to get the benefits.
I know you have got the message, so I will call it a wrap there.
But do keep in mind the 6 Questions I presented in this article.
And also look inwards to see what you might be getting out of helping others all the time.
There might be something for you to learn about yourself.
I will leave you with that thought.
Make today glorious and revitalizing, and have a week where you consciously choose how you can be of most help.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“Empathy employed unconsciously can not only deplete your energy, but may not actually be helpful for the other person.” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
