In a recent Life Masterclass podcast, I had a conversation with a coaching colleague of mine – Sharon Cavanaugh – about meditation and different modalities we have found to be most effective for ourselves and out clients. Do check it out.
We both agree one of our favourite meditators and educators is author and neuroscientist Dr Joe Dispenza, and recently Sharon and a mutual friend had the opportunity to attend an advanced retreat in Denver with Dr Joe. By the way if you ever get a chance to attend one of his events I HIGHLY recommend it. Life changing!!
After the event our mutual friend told me that I would love an insight and distinction Dr Joe shared.
He was talking about finding the balance between ‘intent’ and ‘surrender’. He suggested:
“Over-intent becomes trying (which is a form of separation) and over-surrender becomes giving up”.
My friend is right. I LOVE the distinction, and I would also love to expand on that insight in this post.
Firstly I am a big fan of the Buddhist ‘Middle Way‘.
Dr David Hawkins – author of my fave book ‘Power Versus Force‘ – also talks about over-desiring being something that pushes the thing we want further away. He rates the emotion of ‘Desire’ at a lower level of consciousness, which is more attached to the ‘ego’ and lower levels of mind.
So here is my humble take
As I mentioned above, and when I talk about the subject of ‘BALANCE’, I often visualise a spectrum. There are two opposing ends to this spectrum. The ends are extremes and hanging out there too long or too often, is not healthy (or effective). In the middle is the sweet spot, and where we want to spend most of our time. We then consciously choose to oscillate along the spectrum depending on what is most relevant, for a specific circumstance, in the present moment.
I see life as this dance. Spending most time in the ‘middle’ of the spectrum of life, and dancing out in different directions when a situation calls us to do so.
In order to dance to the fullest of your potential, you need to tap into consciousness. Consciousness allows you to see the whole picture, be non-reactive, have access to not only your mind, but to all information in the quantum field. You get to access ah-hah moments, intuition, and awesome ideas seemingly from thin air.
Let’s now look closer at Dr Joe’s statement.
Part 1: “Over-intent becomes trying”
Dr Hawkins would suggest that our over desiring something actually pushes it away from us. Just like Dr Joe suggested that over-intent is a form of separation. The idea is that the more we believe something is not available to us – that is, it is over there or somewhere ‘separate’ from us – it will remain at a distance to us. We cultivate a belief of separation, and generate separation by over-trying.
Coaches Rich Litvin and Steven Chandler teach that “Needy is creepy”.
Have you ever been repelled (or grossed out) by someone who is so needy for your affections or something you have?
It is not a pleasant feeling and makes you want to run the other way.
When we let go of desperation for an outcome, in my experience, the thing we desire is more likely to manifest.
Which brings us onto part 2…
Part 2: “Over-surrender becomes giving up”
This is where the concept of the ‘sweet spot’ comes in.
It is also where a lot of ‘manifesting’ and ‘law of attraction’ concepts fall short.
They often talk about visualising what you want and then kicking back and waiting for it to land in your lap. That might work sometimes – beginners luck or maybe a freebie from the universe – but I don’t think it is in alignment with this intelligent universe we live in (which also wants us to evolve).
I believe in the co-creation of our destiny by right thought and right action.
This means (to paraphrase Dr Joe) I send out the signal of what I want, with imagination and clarity of mind; and then I continue to ‘do the work’ (and not over-surrender) by generating the emotion of gratitude and appreciation, before my desire is made manifest.
I don’t send a signal out and then put my feet up.
I magnetize the thing I desire (and create a homing beacon for it) by seeing the vision while maintaining gratitude for the gift.
Plus I take ‘aligned’ actions as I move towards that which I desire, and it moves towards me.
The Sweet Spot Steps
- Get clear about what you want. At the same time, be open to the possibility it might look and feel different to what you imagined.
- Connect to the feelings of the experience for that which you desire (in a non-needy way).
- Connect to feelings of gratitude for the desired thing before it arrives (I find this to be one of the most challenging steps, as it requires faith, patience, and surrender).
- Take right action in preparation for your desire (in Florence Shovin Shin’s book ‘The Game of Life and How to Play It’, she talks about tilling the fields in preparation for receiving the seeds that will surely come).
- Stay conscious of not ‘over trying’ and not ‘giving up’ and adjust accordingly.
Things to remember:
- Needy is creepy.
- Sitting on your butt and hoping everything will work out for you, is the same as playing ‘Lotto’.
- Aim for right thought, lots of gratitude, and aligned action.
- Make micro adjustments along the way through conscious awareness of your internal and external environments.
- Be kind to yourself on this journey and see yourself as a wonderful and magical ‘work in progress’.
Three questions for you:
- Is there any thing you are wanting now, but being a little bit needy about?
- Are you practicing surrendering, or are you giving up on something you desire?
- On a scale of 1-10, how is your daily gratitude practice?
Keep an open-heart. Feel to heal.
Have a super day. And all the very best.
PS: For a deeper conversations, check out my weekly Podcasts here.