I am a fan of writing articles inspired by “real life stuff“, so it is actually relatable and relevant.
As you probably know; we have been building a new house in Bali over the past 6-7 months.
And any of you who have done the house building thing, or a major home renovation, know that it is a bit of a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride at times.
Or for an added degree of difficulty, build in a foreign country where you don’t speak the lingo of the Javanese tradesmen.
What a ride!
So close, and yet…
Anyway, after an incident the other morning, along with a conversation I had with a coaching client the other day, and my recent yoga training experience; I was pondering the subject of “MANIFESTING YOUR DESIRES” (with grace) and thought it would be a great conversation for today.
Are you ready to dive in?
Let’s go.
Desires and the act of desiring
I have followed the work of Dr Joe Dispenza now for over 10 years and attended a couple of his weeklong meditation events, where he dives deep into the subject of manifesting, drawing on metaphysical teachings, a wealth of scientific data he and a team of neuroscientists have collated over the years, plus his deeper understanding of quantum physics.
He talks about the need to “strongly desire” the thing you want to manifest.
To see it clearly in your mind.
Then to feel it deeply, as an emotional desire in your heart, while in an elevated emotional state.
He would say the thought sends the signal out, and the emotions draw it (the thing you desire) back to you.
But he also warns not to desire the thing TOO much.
Don’t slip into desperation.
Where you so badly want something, exactly how you want it, that nothing else will satisfy you, and the non-attainment of your exact desire makes you unhappy.
In the Coaching space I love the saying: “Needy is creepy“.
And even from a physiological perspective; the emotional gripping (too tightly) or grasping onto the thing you desire, is likely to cause you to have tense muscles, and most likely an unsettled gut.
The thing is to lovingly and joyfully desire your thing, then see it clearly in mind, but loosen your grip so you can manifest the thing you really need (which might be slightly different), in order to grow.
Loosening your grip can also allow for additional creativity, and creative expression to shine through.
So, our first point is this: Have a strong desire, but don’t hang onto it with a death grip.
Realistic optimism and needle movers
Now back to my real-life example.
I desired my house to be completed – after consulting with the contractors – by the middle of June (which actually allowed for additional time, since the build was not overly complex, plus there were a number of project pieces done concurrently by different teams).
However, as well as being personally optimistic, I like to think of myself as a “realistic” optimist.
“TIA” not only stands for “This is Africa” (a famous line in the movie Blood Diamond), but also relates very aptly to “This is Asia“.
Indonesia is still considered a developing country and stuff still messes up on a consistent basis.
Therefore, when it came to the project timeline, I had a few moveable dates (called Needle Movers by…I forget who I heard it from).
One immovable date was my mum coming to stay at our place on 4 July.
So, my first needle pointed to 15 June, the next was 30 June, and the (sort of) final one was AM on the 4th of July.
HOWEVER, as much as I “desired” the build to be complete NLT 4 July (AM), I am a realistic optimist, strategic planner, non-attachment practitioner, and know that over-desiring creates incoherence energetically, so as much as I wanted the build done by then, I wasn’t going to fall on my sword if it wasn’t.
Provided there is electricity (which there is), access to water, a bed for everyone, and a stove to boil some hot water on, all is good.
I always desire the best.
Then I prepare for “challenges” along the way.
Plus, I figure out the absolute minimum required to get over the line.
And THEN, I have a Plan C (e.g. to book my mother and aunty in a nearby hotel).
The main benefit to working and thinking like this (with a few moveable options) is I rarely get really bummed out when things go to sh#t (which is often inevitable).
If we are desperately clinging onto our (overly optimistic) desires, and only want that specific version, and only want it when we want it, we are very likely to be a lot more miserable, a lot more of the time.
In my experience, the vast majority of our inner turmoil or frustration is not the result of an external experience, but how we relate to that external experience.
If our internal dialogue is “Why do things always go wrong?“, the emotions we will experience will be very different from another person who has an internal dialogue of “Sometimes Sh#t happens“.
Great strategy is a huge part of success, but this is hugely influenced, supported and enhanced, by the right internal Mindset.
Summary
Have clear, heart-felt desires.
Don’t hang onto them too tightly.
Set needles movers that have the best, to worst case, outcomes so you become less rigid and more adaptable.
Sh#t going wrong on complex things, it inevitable, so mentally practice and prepare for it.
Flexibility with your plan, and especially mental flexibility, is essential if you want to enjoy ALL of life and not just the “good” bits.
My Parting Words
So much misery and “bad feelings” are driven by the INTERNAL world, as opposed to the EXTERNAL world.
For instance, someone might have a story, that if they do not achieve the thing they really desire then it means they are bad at manifesting, or not worthy, or a bad person, or not smart, and will accordingly experience negative emotions.
So yes, we need a clear and strong desire, coupled with a sound strategy, but it is our MINDSET, which will have the greatest impact on the overall experience for us.
It is also the thing we can most directly influence or change.
I am often amazed at how shocked people are when things go to poop.
Anyone who has been on this planet longer than 20 years, has already got NUMEROUS examples of when things don’t go to plan.
Living life is like that.
Things will go wrong.
So rather than trying to figure out how to do everything perfectly, to get the perfect results, our time is more effectively used on working on our minds, and by association, our emotional states.
Become more resilient to change.
Become more flexible.
Practice how to switch from a disrupted state to a calm state, as quickly as possible, in order to open the minds creative faculties.
A single belief switch (of a core limiting belief) can absolutely change the course of your life, because it changes your Mindset.
[Which reminds me: keep an eye out for my up-coming Live and Online workshop “Overcome Self-Imposed Limitations“]
How is your mindset when it comes to managing the manifestation of your desires?
Does it create minor speedbumps, or major potholes?
What do you need to work on?
And perhaps that’s enough questions for now. 😉
Have a fabulously colourful day, and a week carefully observing how you handle situations when they go south.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“Have clear, heart-felt desires, but don’t hang onto them so tightly that you starve them of oxygen. ” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
