I wasn’t sure whether to write “Delusion” or “Illusion” in the title.
But I figured they would both end me in the same place, so I just rolled with illusion.
This illusion is merely a thought.
And if it is repetitive enough, it probably creates its own neural pathway in the brain, which leads to all sorts of mischief.
You know that our thoughts influence our emotions, which influence our behaviours, which influences our results, which influences our thoughts and so the cycle goes.
I am a fan of the three-pronged approach when it comes to getting the Results I want.
Change your thoughts (1), change how you manage your emotional state (2), and adjust your behaviour (3) to align with the Results you want.
With a particular focus on the “thoughts and stories” piece of our personal psychology.
And illusions and delusions sort of fit into that space.
So, let’s see what “illusion” I am focusing on today, to bring it into your conscious awareness, so you can make a better choice or two.
If only it were true
There are a number of things I “wish” were true.
And, I imagine you have similar thoughts at times.
“Wishing” is a great pastime, if it takes up about 10% or less of our thoughting time (a number I plucked out of the air merely as a point of reference).
However, it is much more useful for the thoughting we do – the majority of the time – to be about things more aligned with reality (and yes, I know that ‘reality’ is not an absolute), or are things which have been shown to be mostly true, due to historical evidence, observations by reputable deep-thinkers, or have been a consistent observation in your own life.
This is the specific illusion (or delusion) I have in mind:
“There is a place, or time, I will arrive at in the future where I am FREEE OF ALL PROBLEMS.”
(Or put another way: “I will eventually get to the easy part of life”.)
If you sit still with this, is there are part of you, that hopes/wishes/imagines that this statement is in fact, TRUE?
Do you rant and rave about the “problems” or “challenges” in life and think one day I will be beyond all this?
Maybe you think it will happen when you get older.
Or when you have more money.
Or when the kids leave home.
Or when you finish paying off your mortgage.
Or get that promotion.
Or get that divorce.
Or get married…
The best type of optimism
I love a bit of optimism.
And if I was to say where I am on the spectrum from pessimism to optimism, I would say I am near the pointy end of optimism.
However, a bunch of years ago, after being overly optimistic and seeing that not serve me particularly well, I decided to try on this new version of optimism, which I had heard called Realistic Optimism.
What it meant was that it is great to be optimistic and imagine the best will unfold, BUT to also understand that sometimes things go to poop, and plus to realise we are not the master of the universe (nor have I/we reached an enlightened state of being).
I also have lived a bunch, read a bunch, and worked with a bunch of people, and I am yet to experience personally, or meet anyone over the last 56-years, who is free of issues, challenges, problems, doubts, fears, worries or the likes.
And I have never met anyone, who can honestly say they have got to a place, or time in their life, where they are free of struggles.
I find that to be the reality.
From my perspective, life is a series of challenges, interspersed with times of pure bliss and joy, followed by a few more challenges.
If we have this “thought” (above), we are less likely to be annoyed, angry, frustrated, and disappointed when sh#t happens.
And we might just move through those challenges a little more quickly and gracefully.
Especially if we have the right mindset, are good at reframing, and have great Daily Rituals, which provide a solid foundation (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) under us.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news
I do believe it is possible to reach a state of Enlightenment where all is good, and all is love.
I also realise this is very very rare, and requires a bucket load of work to attain.
Most of us won’t get there in this lifetime.
So, what we are more likely to deal with is having things annoy us, bother us, send us into a fit of rage, and the likes.
Life will be filled with experiences that challenge us.
And given that, there is a very unlikely place or time you will get to, where you are completely free of challenges.
Therefore, part of being an adult, is to realise it is wasted effort, and not realistic, to hold to that thought.
If we accept that probably through all stages and ages of my life, in all personal circumstances, I am likely to be challenged at times, then we can RELAX into the experience of life and hang out more in curiosity, playfulness, non-self-judgement, creativity, and the joy of figuring sh#t out (also known as esteem building).
Life becomes less of a fight and more of an adventure.
We laugh easier.
We see the humour in the misery.
We grow from adversity (e.g. post traumatic growth).
And we experience more genuine happiness and gratitude in, and for, life itself.
In Summary
There is no place or time in life, where we are completely free of issues and challenges.
If we think that thought, and imagine to be true, we are very likely to be disappointed, unsatisfied with the present, and consequently unhappy.
A more truthful thought is that life is a series of challenges (growth opportunities), interspersed with bliss and joy, which is made easier due to our mindset and behaviours.
Choose to be an optimist, with a sprinkle of realism, where you imagine and plan for the best, but also surrender to the ultimate outcome.
My Parting Words
This was a topic of conversation I had with a client recently.
I asked them if they think there is a time and place, or actions they need to take, which will make their life free of challenges?
Consciously or unconsciously.
And I suspect that may people have an unconscious belief (or hope) that if they do XYZ, or get to XYZ, they will FINALLY have a life free of challenges.
But my thought is that we are only free of challenges (in this life experience), when we die.
Hence the work that is MOST EFFECTIVE for dealing with the realities of life (and its challenges), is to become better at dealing with, and overcoming challenges in whatever form they take.
Which is an inside game, and the one I am most fascinated with.
I can either learn the full range of specific skills to deal with each individual issue, or I can develop the mindset and practices that allows me to emotionally and psychologically deal with all challenges, regardless of their specific form.
That’s the target IMHO.
Make sense?
And as a final note on this subject, I will be delivering a LIVE 1/2-Day Workshop in Mildura (Australia) on 19 October, called “Overcome Self-Imposed Limitations“, which fits nicely with this topic.
And I will also present an Online version towards the end of the year, so keep an eye out for that too.
Okay, that is enough plugging, for me and you, for now. 😉
Have an outstanding day, and contemplate this week if you ever play the illusion subconsciously about this mythical future place of “problem free”.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:Â
“Life is a series of challenges (growth opportunities), interspersed with bliss and joy, that is made easier due to our mindset and behaviours.” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
