As you may, or may not know, I have been Coaching for over 18 years now.
When I have a new client contact me, I ask them to complete a (very) detailed questionnaire.
I question what events have shaped their current reality; what they do or don’t think they have control of; what they really want in life; and what they think may be holding them back.
It’s the last question I am most interested in today.
What people “believe” is holding them back, from greater happiness, joy, health, success, etc..
There is often a common theme.
And many people think if only they just worked harder on this one thing, or had more of this one thing in their bag of tricks, they would be way happier, successful and fulfilled.
In my experience, what people think is the major DIFFERENCE MAKER in success is the wrong thing.
Through no real fault of their own.
It is just what so many people have been led to believe.
Whether through bad advice from “experts” or marketing messages, or pure baloney peddled on their Instagram feed by “Influencers” (spinning worldly advice – with no context – in a about minute).
So, my theory is that many people (maybe most) are taught the wrong thing.
Let me explain.
The thing which is NOT the difference-maker
Let me try and keep this short and sweet.
Most people, and most of my new clients come to me thinking if only they had more CONFIDENCE everything would work out better.
As if “confidence” is the primary and magical (missing) ingredient that makes all things better.
I am yet to see that play out in the real world.
For me, confidence is merely surface level.
And being superficial and surface-level it can only handle very surface level (shallow / small) obstacles or challenges.
When confidence is REALLY challenged, by a solid and immoveable obstacle, it has nowhere to go.
Being even more confident in the face of a real obstacle or life challenge, is not going to move you or the obstacle.
So, if confidence is not all it is cracked up to be, what is a better option?
The REAL difference-maker
In my opinion, experience and observation of success and people experiencing success, plus observing people overcoming MAJOR life challenges; the real difference-maker is COURAGE.
And yes, I have written about this before; but it benefits repeating.
It is being more COURAGEOUS which will make the differences in your health, happiness, joy, fulfilment and success.
It is not “appearing” confident, which will get you through a really tough conversation with your intimate partner.
It is not “choosing” confidence, which will earn you the deep trust of a new potential business partners, but the courage to speak up from a place of authenticity.
Because COURAGE is not about looking good, or cool, or graceful, it provides you with a greater range of options.
Unlike with doing the confidence thing, which is often limited only to choices that “look good”.
COURAGE does not require external approval or accolades, for verification of its worth.
Confidence, by its very nature, is determined by an external visual observation, to determine whether someone “appears confident” or ticks the box of confidence.
When someone is self-assessing whether they feel confident they can do something, I would encourage them to go even deeper, and grab a hold of COURAGE, because courage will still allow someone to succeed, even when they don’t how to do what they are facing.
When it comes to health, it may be the courage to challenge the doctor (expert), which leads to the best health outcome; and not just following the heath industry playbook.
How would confidence help in a challenging situation like this?
It doesn’t.
Anyway, I could go on and on, for a LOT longer, encouraging you to consider investing less time and energy into confidence, and put your attention, awareness and focus on building up, or leaning into, your potentially untapped inner COURAGE.
This is your fuel for success and dealing with the uncertainties we all face in life.
It is COURAGE which will get you through the good times and the bad.
Leave confidence for the social media influencers.
In Summary
Many / most people believe that if they “had more confidence” all things in life would work out better.
Unfortunately, confidence is pretty superficial and cannot handle medium to large scale obstacles.
COURAGE is the virtue of choice, which will benefit from practicing, exercising and building up.
Because COURAGE does not have to look good, it leaves you with a broader range of options for success.
COURAGE is always the greater choice when you are stepping into the unknown (which is a large part of life).
My Parting Words
Yep. I have written about this before.
But, because I see it come up so often with new clients, I thought it was worth repeating.
Confidence may get you through the neat and little stuff.
COURAGE gets you through this thing called life, with its up and downs, set-backs, challenges, obstacles, and abundant uncertainty.
Confidence also seems very niche for me.
You can look confident in activity A (because you have practiced that), but look and perform rubbish in Activities B, C, and D.
COURAGE, because it comes from the core, can undertake all the Activities.
And what use is confidence, when it comes to trying something new, even though you know you might fail?
Obviously, I am passionate about this subject.
I guess the main thing is to stop worrying about how you look to the outside world, and be more interested in the inner world and the fire in your belly, which burns more brightly, more authentically and its more attuned to the True you.
Don’t waste too much time on trying to “look good”.
Put your energy into Becoming Great and doing great.
And of course, I am definitely not encouraging you to dress like a hobo.
Just know it is the inner world that has all the power in the real game of life.
And before I get too much more philosophical, I will call it a wrap it there.
I am pretty sure you have got my point.
Thanks for coming with me this far.
Have a courage-filled day, and while you are on a roll, have a courage-filled week.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“COURAGE is always the greater choice when you are stepping into the unknown (which is a large part of life).” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
