This article is inspired by a Coaching session I had the other day.
Which has come up with a number of my clients.
There is a great message I want to share.
Not just in relation to Loyalty (which we will go deeper into), but all virtues in general.
Hands up if you think Loyalty is a great virtue?
Chances are most people would raise their hand.
Unless, you are now getting a bit suspicious about a trick question I may be asking you.
In that case, you might be gingerly raising your hand, slowly, so you can pull it down again, if you figure out where I am taking things.
Me personally (based on what I know and have experienced); I am not such a big fan of Loyalty if it comes in the 2-dimensional version, and not the 3-dimensional version; and even then, I reckon there are better virtues to hang your hat on.
Let me explain.
It depends on the version
What do I mean by that?
If you are a person who has attached the “Loyalty virtue” to you, you probably use words like “I am very loyal”, and on the flip-side “I don’t like when people are disloyal”.
The 2-dimensional version of Loyalty is where someone is loyal in ALL situations, at ALL times, and for ALL time.
This is the black-or-white version, where you are considered either loyal, or not loyal.
But the 2-dimensional version of Loyalty is probably more commonly referred by another term, which I am sure you are familiar with.
BLIND Loyalty.
Can you see where I am going with this?
There are times I have seen my clients suffer, by practicing Loyalty (the blind type), by staying in relationships, jobs, unfavourable situations, or friendships, because of their sense of Loyalty.
That version is not healthy.
It lacks discernment.
It lacks nuance (based on different circumstances).
And in my mind, the thing it lacks most of all is CONSCIOUS awareness.
Or plainly put, CONSCIOUSNESS.
My definition of the 3-dimensional version of Loyalty is Loyalty + Consciousness; so it is used in the right way, in the right situation, with the right people, and for the right amount of time.
Blind loyalty, is 2-diemnsional and not healthy.
Another downside
This is what else I have observed by clients who have a high sense of loyalty.
They also EXPECT others to be loyal – according to their personal standards and beliefs -and are therefore regularly let down.
They are easily triggered if they think someone is being “disloyal” to them.
They take it very personally.
But they are looking through their own lens, not acknowledging that someone else is looking through a completely different lens of perception.
So, if you highly value Loyalty, you might want to check in to see how you score or determine someone’s level of loyalty to you; and see whether it is setting you up to be constantly disappointed.
There is a better approach.
Here is a better strategy
As I reflect on this now, I don’t think I have placed any great importance on someone thinking: “That Carl Massy is a very loyal dude”.
I don’t care if I am remembered as a “loyal friend” or the likes.
What I do want to be remembered by is being a person who did what they said they were going to do.
Being a person of integrity.
Honouring agreements.
So, if I say I am going to do something for you I will, and if I can’t, I will tell you I can’t.
But if someone keeps doing dumb sh#t, and won’t listen to good advice, regardless of my friendship, I won’t just keep enabling their poor behaviour out of some sense of “loyalty” or a misplaced attachment based on how long I have known this person.
If I Brand has a product I like, but they start producing a lower standard of product, I will go elsewhere.
Most people are probably okay with this concept, but less okay when it comes to relationships they have had for a long time.
There is a sense of loyalty to the relationship.
But if a relationship is toxic (personal or professional), making you ill (physically or emotionally), or not serving your greater good, then it is okay to leave it, or change it.
Being loyal to the past, or the memories of it, is not being virtuous.
Again, that is “blind loyalty” and not healthy.
My Ultimate message
ANY positive virtue can become a “negative” if it is not paired with CONSCIOUSNESS (of which discernment is a by-product).
Even my favourite virtue of COURAGE, free of consciousness’s guiding light, can become RECKLESSNESS.
In Summary
Be careful if you have a high sense of Loyalty as a Virtue, that you do not apply it “blindly”.
You cannot control how someone will express their “loyalty” to you (based on your own definition), so a much better strategy is to have CLEAR AGREEMENTS.
In my humble opinion, a good swap on the loyalty virtue is to become a person who does what they say they are going to do.
As with the “Ultimate Message”, Virtues without CONSCIOUNESS are at best 2-dimensional, and are less relevant and effective in our complex (and 3-dimensional) world.
My Parting Words
I know I focused a lot of the conversation on Loyalty, but it was more to exercise a point.
The point being that we need conscious awareness and discernment when it comes to the application of our virtues.
We want to aspire to, and practice Wisdom.
And wisdom is about making the best choice, in the here and now, based the reality of what exists in front of us.
Sometimes we do make a choice that could be seen as “being loyal”.
But, other times we make a different choice – based on what is “right” – and to some it might seem you are being “disloyal”.
In the end, no one owns you or me.
We are sovereign beings.
We don’t owe our allegiance to anyone or anything that does not have our best interests at heart.
I don’t have an unconscious loyalty to Australia, because I was born there, if they do something stupid, or want me to do something out of alignment with my values.
I will walk my own path.
And the thought comes to mind that the opposite of blindness (like blind loyalty), is the LIGHT of CONSCIOUSNESS.
So…how are your consciousness raising practices going?
Meditation?
Breathwork?
Time in nature, unplugged from technology?
A deep sense of conscious awareness is our best tool in moving with ease and grace through the complex, rapidly changing, and unknown.
Breathe deeply and then place your foot with conscious intent.
Have a super fabulous day and an illuminating week with your eyes wide open and your discernment turned up.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“Virtues without CONSCIOUNESS are at best 2-dimensional, and are less relevant and effective in our complex (and 3-dimensional) world.” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
