When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Especially, if they are low on RESILIENCE.
Here is the deal.
When the going gets tough – as it does at times (and especially at this time for us in history) – the way through it is not as you imagine.
It is not about having the most amount of “knowledge”, although that can be important.
It turns out, if you have developed the virtue of RESILIENCE, you actually don’t need to have all the answers at the front end.
Resilience means you can stay in the game long enough to figure it out.
Rather than folding.
Or giving up.
Or compromising your primary Values.
You want to be the person who can say a very clear, very assertive, and very impactful “NO”.
And one of the things making this possible, is having “Resilience“.
It is something clients often want my help with.
And yes, Resilience is like a muscle; it can be developed to be stronger.
It is not genetic.
Though, it is likely developed through modelling parents.
So, if your parents are or were Resilient, you fortunately had good teachers.
However, regardless of your “level” of Resilience now, I believe you can take it to a higher, and higher level, by doing the right exercises.
Exercises and practices I will share here.
Unlike physical exercises, Resilience is more related to the Mind.
That is why we often hear the term “mental toughness“.
It is not about how big your muscles are (or puny), it is about the character of your mind.
Which can be developed, like any other muscle.
Through REPETITION and RESISTANCE.
Or what I call “leaning into discomfort“.
The yogi’s have a great word called “Tapas“.
It essentially means “intentional provocation“.
Provoking the (lower) mind to “react” when in a challenging yoga posture for an extended period of time, so you can practice using the UPPER mind, to overcome the lower mind.
A bit more theory before we get practical
The upper mind, or cortex, and more precisely the prefrontal cortex, is an area closely linked to “Willpower”.
Willpower is obviously a part of Resilience.
The willpower to lean into discomfort.
The willpower to stay in discomfort.
The willpower to even transcend discomfort, so you can go about your normal day.
Neuroscientists suggest that willpower is limited by the amount of energy and oxygen provided to the frontal cortex.
Apparently the prefrontal cortex burns energy like crazy.
But just like when training the physical body, a trained Athlete can get more output from their body, than a sedentary person.
Their body (and muscles) become more EFFECIENT at using energy.
Getting more for less.
When we build up our Resilience – our mental toughness – we can get greater results for the same energy expenditure.
Making us more sustainable, and resilient to adversity.
Our Minds are more powerful.
THAT, is the Goal.
And here is how we do it.
How to build your Resilience Muscles
The Stoics (back in about 300 BCE) were big on building mental toughness and Resilience.
They used the same principles and practices I will be sharing here.
They leaned into discomfort and resistance INTENTIONALLY, so if the worst happened, they had already prepared themselves to deal with it.
They made, what was “discomfort” for another, their normal.
(Which made them more capable to deal with greater challenges).
They would do things like:
- Fasting.
- Going without luxury for an extended period of time (e.g. sleeping on the floor).
- Choosing discomfort over comfort (e.g. walking rather than getting a chariot).
- Spending extended times isolated.
- Spending time in the wild.
We could do the same sorts of things.
I often do a 1 to 3-day water-only fast, to build mental toughness.
I believe the practice of doing things you don’t “feel” like doing is a great way to build a resilient mind.
Other examples could include:
- 8 x pull-ups / chin-ups in the morning.
- Cleaning the dishes immediately after eating (check my article on the energy waste due to clutter and messiness).
- Going without things you love for “X” weeks or days (e.g. reading material, social media, massages, chocolate, alcohol, pastries, etc.).
- Having no other beverage other than water for a week or two.
- Eating one less meal a day (similar to intermittent fasting).
- Doing 15-30 mins of house tidying of a morning or afternoon.
- Doing daily morning rituals (e.g. breathwork and meditation).
- Really extending the main breath retention when doing WimHof Breathing (I think this has really high-ROI because you are working more directly with the breath, nervous system and the brain).
- Going to the gym (and yes we can build mental toughness through physical work, if we spend extended time in the discomfort zone).
You can definitely add to this list.
Just think of things you have a RESISTANCE to doing, or you find (mentally) uncomfortable.
Meaning you need Disciple and Willpower to do them.
All of those will build mental toughness.
How to create Resilience Muscle ATROPHY
One of the things which atrophies your mental toughness muscles is COMFORT.
Getting too comfortable.
Being comfortable is good for a “part” of the time.
But, if you want to build Resilience to navigate a crazy world, getting too comfortable will not serve you.
So, comfortable a bunch of the time is good.
But, you need a healthy dose of physical and mental discomfort, to balance it out.
Sorry for the bad news.
In Summary
In an uncertain world, resilience is a major currency for success (in any area of our lives).
Resilience, or mental toughness (also called “Grit”) can be built up through leaning into, and staying in discomfort (intentional provocation of the lower mind).
Add into your daily or weekly routine, exercises that challenge you mentally (where your upper mind has to overcome your lower moaning mind).
Comfort is okay, but not if there is no counterbalance (i.e. discomfort).
You don’t need to become a hermit, but intentional practices of physical and mental discomfort, will make you more RESILIENT and capable to handle life’s uncertainty.
My Parting Words
I am often asked by my clients how to increase their Resilience.
They are obviously aware it will help them better deal with life’s many challenges.
Like starting, leaving, or loosing a job.
Or starting or ending a relationship.
Or starting a new business (Resilience is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL in this case, IMHO).
Or facing a health challenge.
Or dealing with financial set-backs.
It is not whether Resilience is useful for us, as I don’t believe that is in question.
The question is, how Resilient are you?
And do you actively work on building your Resilient Muscles?
That is the most important question from this article.
Are you ready, right now, if life throws you a curve ball?
We have also talked at length, over the weeks, about a Resilient Nervous System, which is part of the same conversation.
As I recently read in a fiction book of mine: “It is better to have and not need, than to need and not have“.
Amen to having powerful Resilience Muscles, Grit and Mental Toughness.
If you need some work on your resilient muscles, feel free to reach out to me for ideas, or join me for a 3-Day Water-Only Fast, which I will run towards the end of the year.
And finally, physical toughness and strength is not enough.
It is the Mind, and mental toughness, which rules supreme.
Have a glorious day, and a week where you start to lean into discomfort with a smile on your face.
Quotable QUOTE:
“It is better to have and not need, than to need and not have.” Folk Wisdom.
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
