I don’t like to be serious just before Christmas. In fact I am a big fan of not being serious most of the time; but I sort of have a serious question for you as we near the end of 2009. My question is this:

"How long do YOU think it is acceptable to be unhappy for (in work, in a relationship, in yourself), before you are allowed to scream, throw a tantrum, toss the towel into the ring and then promptly walk in the opposite direction?”

Is it one week, one month, six months, or measured in years?? I had one client recently that has been miserable in their job for the last 6 years, and another unhappy in their job for the past 10 years!!! Now I know there are times where we all have to put the head down and push through the tough times. But really, how long is too long?

In the most basic sense we are motivated by PAIN and PLEASURE. We avoid pain and move towards pleasure (if we know what's good for us). And the reason that people generally do not change out of a painful situation is because they have associated more pain (or fear) with the process of change or the imagined end result. So they will only change when the pain of being in the current situation gets so great that they absolutely MUST change. This is one situation where having a high pain threshold may be a serious disadvantage!

But here is the thing. It is CHANGE that actually *allows* us to GROW. If we didn't change we wouldn't grow. And for me that is the meaning of life: to grow spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally over the course of our lives. The universe is constantly expanding, growing, and changing. And since we are made up of the same stuff - it is in our very nature to become more than what we are. To outgrow our skin, shell, cocoon and yes; even our current situation.

So where am I heading with this special little Christmas message, you may well ask? Great question. So let me summarize.

Have you ever considered that your unhappiness may be the result of you RESISTING change; which in turn restricts your natural growth?

It is like a small oak tree that is trying to outgrow its pot. At some point there will be resistance to its natural growth. Its roots will feel pressure as it pushes against the walls of the pot. But the trees nature is to grow. Now if the pot is ceramic it will eventually overcome the resistance and start its journey to being that huge oak tree. However if the pot is made of steel, and the resistance is too great, the tree will be damaged permanently and never grow into a huge oak tree.   

So in 2010 choose happiness. Choose to change. Choose to face any resistance - real or imagined - and grow into that which you have the potential to be. There is a great NLP statement, which says 'all that you need is within you now'. Find it within yourself. No one should be unhappy for longer than is really necessary (I like to talk in weeks myself). And if you don't have the resources to face it or overcome it yourself, then get some help. Do whatever it is you have to do to leave unhappiness behind and throw your arms wholeheartedly around a little more happiness.

Or a WHOLE LOT MORE happiness!

Choose happiness. It is your birthright and your very own special Christmas gift from life. So please enjoy it.

Taking Action:

Now here is where the true value really lies with these Happiness Tips. Here is where I answer "so what?" with some specific actions. Action is where the power is. So here goes:

• If you are unhappy for an extended period of time acknowledge that you don't have to be, nor should you be. The deepest part of our selves (below all of the outer layers) is blissfully happy. Start peeling back the layers.
• Look closely to see if you may be RESISTING change and your inevitable growth.
• Know that you have to change to grow. You may have to change your job, vocation, personal relationships, lifestyle, a principle that you have lived by, or even a complete belief in order to grow.
• Start the process of letting go of your resistance and if you are not comfortable doing it yourself or you don't fully understand the process, GET SOME HELP. Don't think you have to do it alone. You happiness is worth too much for you (and for everyone around you!)

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